Gabriellen

The title given to this article is incorrect due to technical limitations. The correct title is gabriellen.

Unlikely hero of Errinundera's campaign in World Cup 5. Ungainly and seemingly unskilled she dazzled her fans with her on-field and off-field feats. Disappeared at sea while on a research expedition after retiring from football.

Academic Achievements

Graduated from the First Creek Falls University with a Bachelor of Science majoring in genetics and vertebrate zoology. Took a break from study to pursue a football career. On retiring from football, she continued post-graduate research in marine zoology - no mean feat given that Errinundera is a landlocked nation.

World Cups

• Stats include qualifying matches .
• leighm medal is voted upon by the Errinundrian coaching staff for the Player of the Series.

World Cup 5

• Vice-captain
• 6 goals, including in 2 in the first half of the first game she played. Errinundera's top scorer.
• 6 leighm votes - 2 behind the winner, sandrab.
• Errinundera qualified but didn't progress beyond the group stages.
  • Quercustan: 2 goals; rested in 2nd half with leg soreness
  • Pilot: 1 goal; limping just before half time and substituted
  • Vthnaar: Did not play - cranked lower stipple
    • khenry (noted gynaecologist): “It is a very unusual for soccer players to suffer this sort of injury. In fact, it is an extremely rare thing full stop. My only previous knowledge of it occurring is during excessively enthusiastic and vigorous foreplay. Upper stipple injuries aren’t so odd, but the lower stipple is well protected by a thick layer of fatty tissue. As you know, gabriellen is a very slender player and perhaps she did not have enough of the fatty glumal tissue to afford her the usual protection. In any case the injury is not long-lasting and she should miss only one match.”
  • Vegimite: 1 goal in first minute of game and simultaneously mulched her squanda. Stretchered from the ground.
  • Kingsford: Did not play - overexcited retollicus inducing a mulched squanda
    • khenry (noted gynaecologist):“Mulching a squanda usually occurs with sudden movement an hour or two after having your retollicus overexcited. Clearly, gabriellen is a very active young person. With her level of fitness I imagine she will be available for the next match.”
  • Amerigo:1 goal; completed game but had to be stretchered off the field after the game had ended when she injured herself performing cartwheels.
  • Altamira: Did not play - strained hamstring
  • Svrecia: Did not play - strained hamstring
  • Dennisov: Did not play - strained hamstring
    • filthyl (captain / coach]]: "I can’t believe it happened when she was doing cartwheels. Normally she can stand on her hands and spread her legs for me without any problems."
  • Vegimite: 1 goal; team mates antarcticad (severe concussion) and oreadest (broken collarbone) were injured in separate collisions with her hip.

What People Said About Her

• firset (fan and later Errinundera's first World Cup hat-trick scorer): "She’s built like a wheatstalk – in the rain she’d have to jump around to get wet."
• spouth (football media commentator): “After all, she is only a receiver. The strength of Errinundera has been its engine room: filthyl, moschatuma and sandrab."
• phudson (team bootstudder on the reaction to her cranked stipple): “The captain has taken gabriellen’s injury very badly. Mention it and he goes very red in the face.”
• firset: "For some unknown reason gabriellen chose that moment to go arse-over-tit. Somehow in the tangle of arms and legs she deflected the ball into the top corner of the net. After that she had to be stretchered of the ground."
• phudson: “If gabriellen and filthyl could produce their off-field form to the next two matches we will be unstoppable.”
• spouth (being consistent): “gabriellen is only a receiver. She wouldn’t have made any difference to the outcome."
• filthyl (captain / coach): “She is absolutely wild in the tight clinches. And she is so determined. She’s as vigorous with herself as she is with anyone else.”

On Her Demolition of antarcticad and oreadest

• naughtys (unsuccessful artist): antarcticad and oreadest are wankers. Between them they wouldn’t decorate a christmas tree.
• sandyc (librarian): Clearly those foolish young men were in places they shouldn’t have been.
• marillad (nurse): On her own she’s kicked more goals than them combined. The team won’t miss them.
• levlaf (revolutionary): Change is always violent; victory is only achieved through struggle.
• phudson: “They were all fantastic. They all showed extraordinary courage.”

Life and Death After Footall

gabriellen and filthyl married after the World Cup 5 campaign concluded. She pursued her career as a marine zoologist and he as a politician. Four years later gabriellen was on a Japanese trawler studying the feeding habits of squid when the trawler, its crew and gabriellen disappeared without trace.

From the Archives

Read more about gabriellen from Errinundera news media archives: