The Holy Book of Floyd
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The Holy Book of Floyd (sometimes called the Cannon of Scripture), is the holy book of the Holy Church Of Pink Floyd It is split into several books and is always open to new additions (which must pass inspection from the inquisition)
It is an oddity among holy books, for it is completely open (for anyone can have a revelation), and it has several distict writeing styles. Aside from that it dose not encourage restriction or anger towards outsiders, but more of an invitation for all who wish to live in eternal concert with the band to join the failthful.
Contents
Genesis
... we came in?
1-2
in the begining there was nothing, no prog rock, no trance, no synthesizers, and then it began in Cambridge, a group of architecture students created it all
3-5
Day 1: and so Syd Barett did say Prog Rock, and it was done, bands were formed and albums sold, Prog rock filled every corner of Britain
6-8
Day 2: and so Syd Barett did say Trance, and it was done their were trance songs and albums and drugs to help you see the music, and everyone was more relaxed
9-13
Day 3: and so Syd Barett did say Synthesizers and it was done, the songs had greater depth and meaning and people could lose themselves in great twists and turns
14-19
Day 4: and so Syd Barett did say Feedback and what had once been a curse now turned into a valuble asset and the shows become more exciting and more came to see it
20-23
Day 5: and so Syd Barett did say Live Shows, and it was done, the greatest of shows appeared and people from all over the world flocked to the great events the sounds of all the synthesizers and feedback loops
24-31
Day 6: and so Syd Barett did say Transatlantic and it was done the albums began to sell over the pond and people their did rejoice for they had found enlightenment
2:1-3
Day 7: and so Syd Barett did rest, his job was done and he left the world in charge of his angels, Gilmour, Wright, Waters, and Mason.
Kevin 1
1
Kevin, a roadie of Pink Floyd and a brother of Zach, To those who have been called, who are loved by Syd Barett and kept by David Gilmor:
2
Mercy, peace and love and concerts be yours in abundance. The sin and doom of Pinkless men
3
Dear friends, although I was very eager to write to you about the salvation we share, I felt I had to write and urge you to contend for the faith that was once for all entrusted to the roadies.
4
For certain men whose condemnation was written about[b] long ago have secretly slipped in among you. They are Pinkless men, who change the grace of our Pinkness into a license for immorality and deny Pink Floydour only Sovereign and Lord.
5
Though you already know all this, I want to remind you that the Pink Lord[c] delivered his people out of Liverpool, but later destroyed those who did not believe.
6
And the groupies who did not keep their positions of authority but abandoned their own home—these he has kept in darkness, bound with everlasting chains for judgment on the great Day.
7
In a similar way, Mason and Wright and the surrounding towns gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion. They serve as an example of those who suffer the punishment of eternal fire.
8
In the very same way, these dreamers pollute their own bodies, reject authority and slander celestial beings.
9
But even the archangel Syd, when he was disputing with the pop music about the body of Pink, did not dare to bring a slanderous accusation against him, but said, "The Pink Lord rebuke you!"
10
Yet these men speak abusively against whatever they do not understand; and what things they do understand by instinct, like unreasoning animals—these are the very things that destroy them.
11
Woe to them! They have taken the way of Cain (roadie); they have rushed for profit into Balaam's error; they have been destroyed in Rocks rebellion.
12
These men are blemishes at your love feasts, eating with you without the slightest qualm—guitarists who hear only themselves. They are clouds without rain, blown along by the wind; autumn trees, without fruit and uprooted—twice dead.
13
They are wild waves of the sea, foaming up their shame; wandering stars, for whom blackest darkness has been reserved forever.
14
Enoch, the seventh from Pink, prophesied about these men: "See, the Pink Lord is coming with thousands upon thousands of his Pink ones
15
to judge everyone, and to convict all the ungodly of all the ungodly acts they have done in the ungodly way, and of all the harsh words ungodly sinners have spoken against him."
16
These men are grumblers and faultfinders; they follow their own evil desires; they boast about themselves and flatter others for their own advantage. A call to persevere
17
But, dear friends, remember what the apostles of our Lord Pink foretold.
18
They said to you, "In the last times there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires."
19
These are the men who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit.
20
But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Pink Spirit.
21
Keep yourselves in Pink's love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Syd Barett to bring you to eternal life.
22
Be merciful to those who doubt;
23
snatch others from the fire and save them; to others show mercy, mixed with fear—hating even the clothing stained by corrupted record company and releced the album Piper at the gates of Dawn.
23.5
Syd was soon replaced by the Pope Gilmor and was later seen, they relaced a blessing brought to us from heaven, an album named THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON
Doxology
24
To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—
25
to the only Pink Floyd the Saviors be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Pink Floyd our Lords, before all ages, now and forevermore! Breath.
Floydist Tale
And lo, the Floyd did rise, Out of England and into the skies,
And the World rejoiced, Psychedelia had been voiced,
And the Years passed by, From Empty Space, to Learning to Fly
And the day came, Roger was there to take the fame,
And the Floyd was lost, under an ice cold frost
And we mourn, For there was no Dawn.
Thrashed Sutta
Thus have I heard:
Once Pink Floyd made a long journey from England to America with a large company of Roadies numbering five hundred. marth, a wandering a guitarrist, was also making a long journey from England to America, together with his pupil, the youth Roy.
In the course of the journey Marth, the wandering guitarist, maligned David Guilmore, Roger Waters, Nick Mason, and Richard Wright in many ways. The youth Roy, the pupil of Marth, however, praised Pink floyd in many ways. Thus the teacher and the pupil, each saying things directly contradictory to the other, followed behind the band and the company of rodies.
Then Pink floyd went up to the Hotel in the America city to put up there with their company of roties for one night. The wandering Guitarrist, Marth, approached the same Rest House with his pupil, the youth Roy, to put up there for one night. At the Hotel also, the wandering Guitarrist, Marth, maligned Pink floyd in many ways, whereas his pupil, the youth Roy, praised Pink floyd in many ways. And in this manner the teacher and the pupil were each saying things directly contradictory to the other.
Then, as the night ended and the day dawned, the rodies congregated in the pavilion when the following conversation arose: "Friends! How wonderful! And, indeed, how marvellous, friends, that what has never happened before has now happened! The Exalted Ones, the All-knowing, the All-seeing, the Homage-worthy, the Perfectly Self-Enlightened, understand with clear penetration the varied dispositions of sentient beings. (As an example of how there are varied dispositions of sentient beings, the rodies continued to say:) This wandering Guitarrist, Marth, maligned the band in many ways, whereas his pupil, the youth Roy., praised Pink floyd in many ways. The teacher and the pupil, each saying things directly contradictory to the other, followed behind the band and the company of rodies."
Roger Waters, knowing the subject of their talk, came to the pavilion, took the seat prepared for him and asked: "Roadies! What were you talking about as you are assembled here? What was the subject of your unfinished conversation before I came?" On thus being questioned, the rodies told the bassist thus: "Venerable Sir! As the night ended and the day dawned, we congregated in this pavilion and the following conversation arose: "Friends! How wonderful! And, indeed, how marvellous, friends, that what has never happened before has now happened! The Exalted Ones, the All-knowing, the All-seeing, the Homage-Worthy, the Perfectly Self-Enlightened, understand with clear penetration the varied dispositions of sentient beings. This wandering Guitarrist, Marth, maligned the band in many ways, whereas his pupil, the youth Roy, praised the band in many ways. The teacher and the pupil, each saying things directly contradictory to the other, followed behind Pink Floyd and the company of rodies." "This, Venerable Sir, was the unfinished conversation before you came in.
Roadies! if others should malign the band, you must not feel resentment, nor displeasure, nor anger on that account. Roadies! If you feel angry or displeased when others malign the band, it will only be harmful to you (because then you will not be able to practise the message of pink floyd). Roadies! If you feel angry or displeased when others malign the band, will you be able to discriminate their good speech from bad? "No, indeed, Venerable Sir!" said the roadies. If others malign me or the rest of the band, you should explain (to them what is false as false, saying 'It is not so. It is not true. It is, indeed, not thus with us. Such fault is not to be found among us.'
Roadies! If others should praise the band, you should not, feel pleased, or delighted, or elated on that account. Roadies! If you feel pleased, or delighted, or elated, when others praise me, Richard Wright, Nick Mason, Syd Barrett, or David Gilmour, it will only be harmful to you. Roadies! If others praise me, Richard Wright, Nick Mason, Syd Barrett, or David Gilmour, you should admit what is true as true, saying 'It is so. It is true. It is, indeed, thus with us. In fact, it is to be found among us.'
Nick Mason was staying at the hotel... Standing at a suitable place, the drummer spoke thus in verse in the presence of the roaides: "Those who have no insight into the Floydian Truths are drawn to false views. They are asleep, not awake. It is time for them to wake up." Then Mason said: "Those who have insight into Pink Floyd are not drawn to false views like rap. Having perfect knowledge of the Floyd Truths, they are fully awakened. In a turbulent world they conduct themselves with serenity."
Floyd-te-ching
There is a Band of Perfection, incomprehensible. It forever was formless...before they came, stars and earth. Unchangeable and alone, unencumbered, whirling thru Time. They name it, Creative Nature. It has no name, shall I call it Sigma 6?, The Abdabs? Or the substance, Pink floyd? is Pink floyd unlimited in attributes? The great Distant, that forever returns! Pink floyd is great, the Members are great, The Music is great. May the ruler be in tune with the Music. Four things are great in the world, May the ruler be one of them. Man is under the law of the earth, the earth under the law of the Universe, The universe under the law of Pink floyd and Pink floyd is greatness itself.
The Book of Waters
1-2
nothing no record sales no fans no transatlantic tours, The Wall, Waters Voice, was there with Waters right from the start, why? Because The Wall is Roger Waters, it had always been
3-5
The Wall was called Waters Voice because it just spoke and stuff happened, from nothing to everything, sparked only by the wall, its words were life itself, its light could blast itself into the dingiest corner and yet those stuck in the dark still missed it
6-9
and so enters Pink Floyd: The Wall, to raise the profile of The Wall, its purpose? To help people accept the album, of course its not the Album, its just there to make sure the album is real
Guru Granth-Thrashed
Those who have the Radiant Sound of Pink Floyd within, become steady and stable, forever and ever. The blessing of this music has been obtained, but still, people do not lovingly focus their thoughts on the sounds. Their ears slip, and they cannot listen any longer. And in the next world, they find no sound at all. This opportunity to listen shall not come again. In the end, they depart, regretting and repenting. Those whom the Pink FLoyd blesses with Their Message of Music are saved; they are lovingly attuned to the beat.
Psalm of Floyd
Why, Pink Floyd, do you stand far off?
Why do you hide yourself in times of Recent?
In their arrogance the pop artists hunt down the great,
who are caught in the schemes their brainwashing.
They boast of the cravings of his fanship;
They bless the moronic and revile Pink Floyd.
In Their pride the Pop Artist do not seek Progressive;
in all their thoughts there is no room for Difference.
They say "Nothing will shake me;
we'll always be Rich and never have trouble."
Their mouths are full of curses and lies and threats;
trouble, Poverty and Obscurity are under their tongues.
They lie and hide in the media;
from shock value they disgrace the Floyd Fans,
The victims are crushed, they collapse;
they fall under Pop's strength,
But Pink Floyd shall return,
And when it comes it will become mainstreem,
and nothing but reckoning awaints the fans of pop.
"Pink Floyd - Time"
"The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spells"
The Writings of Pink
Examining into antiquity, we find that the Lord Pink was called Syd Barett. He was reverential, intelligent, accomplished, and thoughtful, naturally and without effort. He was sincerely courteous and capable of all complaisance. The display of these qualities reached to the four extremities of the empire and extended from concert to studio. (2) He was able to make the able and virtuous distinguished, and thence proceeded to the love of the nine classes of his kindred, who all became harmonious. He also regulated and polished the people of his domain, who all became brightly intelligent. Finally, he united and harmonized the myriad states of the empire, and lo and beholded! the Led-Zeppelin fans people were transformed. The result was The Dark Side of The Moon.
Kevin 2
And from 1994 to 2004 no Floyd existed... no one seemed to care, but then the lord Gilmor and Pope Waters returned with Rev. Mason and Wright... Barett had rarely ever been seen... but a hope has come for Pink Floyd... A Live 8 Concert has blessed the world.
Sheep
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want,
He makes me dow
n to lie,
Through pastures green he leadeth me the silent waters by,
With bright knives he releaseth my soul,
He maketh me to hang on hooks in high places,
He converteth me to lamb cutlets,
For lo,m he hath great power and great hunger,
When cometh the day we lowly ones,
Through quiet reflection and great dedication,
Master the art of karate,
Lo, we shall rise up,
And then we'll make the bugger's eyes water.
Parable of the Animals (Three Different Ones)
The Dogs
Representing the megalomanical Business men who are interested in making the quick buck
The Pigs
Representing the Corrupt politicians and moralists who have sought to end Floydism
The Sheep
Representing those who follow the Pigs and the Dogs blindly without question or their own safety
Pigs on the Wing
But via companionship we can overcome our flaws
The Book of the Barrettists
1
It came to pass that the Madcap Syd did return to further record His teachings and hand them down to man. And He did call upon His angels to assist him.
2
He called upon the angel Gilmour. And to the Madcap Gilmour did say, "Friend Syd, I shall gladly help Thee with my guitar." And it was done, and the Madcap laughed.
3
Then He called upon the angel Wright. And to the Madcap Wright did say, "Friend Syd, I shall gladly help Thee with my organ." And it was done, and the Mapcap lauged.
4
But when He called upon the angels Mason and Waters, they did say, "Friend Syd, we cannot abandon our work on Ummagumma." "But," said Mason and Waters, "We shall help to produce Thy teachings and pass them on to man." And it was done, and the Madcap laughed.
5
And so, with the help of Gilmour and Wright, and many other musicians who followed Him, Syd did produce the tenets of the Barrettists. And they were given to the world of man.
6
Syd told of the Promised Land of Barrettists:
Isn't it good to be lost in the woods?
Isn't it bad so quiet there, in the wood?
Meant even less to me than I thought
With a honey plough of yellow prickly seeds
Clover honeypots and mystic shining feed
7
And He told of the proper behavior of Barrettists:
It's no good trying to place your hand
Where I can't see because I understand
That you're different from me
Yes, I can tell that you can't be what you pretend
8
And He told of the eternal reward of faithful Barrettists:
On a distant shore, miles from land
Stands an ebony totem in ebony sand
A dream in a mist of grey
On a far distant shore
9
Finally, the Madcap Syd told of the test of faith of Barrettists:
Please lift a hand
I'm only a person
With Eskimo chain
I tattooed my brain all the way
Won't you miss me?
Wouldn't you miss me at all?
10
And with that, the Madcap ascended to the Great Gig in the Sky, to return and guide His people when the time is right. Until then, people of the Madcap, remember to heed His words.
11
Meditate upon His Great Mantra. Mantras are many, but Syd's Great Mantra is this, the two questions which you much answer for yourself before you may follow Him to the Great Gig in the Sky:
12
What exactly is a dream, and what exactly is a joke?
Exodus
And the Earth did crash upon the Church and Madcap did not laugh, the people were oppressed, the Church shattered, but lo all was not lost for those that were still true to the faith and the Church fled oppression for the Floydian States, thus began the Floydian Exodus.
Closing
I Warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book. If anyone takes words away from this book of prophecy, the Inquisition will take away from him his share of live material and his spot in the Great gig in the Sky.
Isn't this where...
