Difference between revisions of "Omigodtheykilledkenny"

Revision as of 19:33, 20 January 2006

The Federal Republic of
Omigodtheykilledkenny

National Flag
National motto: You bastards!
In detail
Official languages	English (de facto), Spanish (widely spoken)
Capital	Paradise City
Largest city	San Andreas
Government  - President  - Vice President	Federal republic Manuelo Fernanda Antigone Morgan
UN Status
Nation Code	KENN
Area  - Total  - % water
Population	2,000,000,000
GDP (PPP)  - Total  - Per capita	$82.7 billion $46,083.64
Establishment	February 11, 1785
Constitution  - Ratified  - Effective	October 5, 1785 February 11, 1785 (retroactive)
Major Religions	Protestantism, Roman Catholicism, Judaism, Islam
Currency	tree-fiddy
Currency Code	TRFD
Internet TLD	.omg .tkk .kny
Calling Code	350
National anthem	Little Boy, You're Going to Hell
National animal	Kenny

The Federal Republic of Omigodtheykilledkenny is a medium-sized Antarctic nation, boasting a fiercely patriotic, flag-waving, (obviously) cold-averse, intelligent, well-educated, literate, (American) football-loving, devoutly religious and heavily armed citizenry. Unfortunately, the nation's citizens also rank among the dumbest in the world [1], and are easily swayed by catchy slogans, jingles and clever marketing gimmicks -- which has allowed the corporations to assume total control over their society and political system.

Founded on a centrist democratic tradition, the Omigodtheykilledkenny government has since become a virtual wholly owned subsidiary of the national corporate conglomerate. Economic freedoms are unparalleled, corporate dominance is near-absolute, economic restrictions and regulations are almost non-existent, and members of the national labor force enjoy no guaranteed rights. This has resulted in a massive economic boom, making the Federal Republic the economic superpower in its region and bringing its leading companies to the very forefront of cutting-edge technologal advances and international trade and commerce.

Though according to the United Nations the Federal Republic is a notorious "Corporate Bordello," the nation still maintains a strong democratic tradition and a mind for human rights -- mostly because the government's corporate masters believe they can profit the most from a democratic government; they argue a more oppressive regime practicing repeated extrajudicial killings, beatings or detentions may cut into their customer base. The nation's people and laws embrace free speech for adherents of even the most radical and unpopular ideologies.

Government and Politics

Omigodtheykilledkenny is a federal republic, and as such adheres to the principles of federalism and republicanism. Thus, the federal government is divided into co-equal executive, legislative and judicial branches, and relinquishes many powers to the republic's 25 sovereign states. Though the people participate in universal, open, free, fair and democratic elections, corporations control the entire process, writing party platforms, bankrolling political advertising, approving speeches and campaign promises, and openly sponsoring their preferred candidates -- who are often seen on the campaign trail sporting racing jackets decorated with colorful corporate logos.

Two main parties dominate the political landscape: the pro-gun, pro-military, pro-life, anti-tax, anti-government, anti-UN God-fearing, Freedom-loving Conservative Patriot Party -- to which the current president belongs -- and the opposition anti-gun, anti-war, pro-choice, pro-government, pro-UN Pansy-ass Liberal Hippy Treehugger Party. Former President John Thorne, now a senator, leads the opposition. Conservatives currently control the bicameral Federal Congress.

The current President of the Federal Republic is Manuelo Fernanda, a former amateur boxer going by the nickname "The Destructor from Del Fuego, Mexico." Sponsored by Blast! Cola, Fernanda had pledged to address the threats posed by rogue nations with weapons of mass destruction, and furthermore promised "to kick some serious terrorist ass!" He accused Thorne, his rather bland opponent, of being unpatriotic, and was elected handily.

Constitution of the Federal Republic

The Constitution of Omigodtheykilledkenny is the Law of the Land, and preserves the rule of law and the rights of Kennyite citizens. Handed down by the first Kennyite president and his cronies in 1785, it divides the federal government into three separate, co-equal branches: the Legislative, consisting of a bicameral congress and packed with corrupt, self-serving, corporate-bankrolled elected representatives; the Executive, consisting of a corrupt, self-serving, corporate-bankrolled president and vice president and all executive appointees; and the Judiciary, the only non-elected branch, consisting of corrupt, self-serving, corporate-bankrolled judges of lower courts, and 12 Supreme Court Justices -- all of whom deem it their God-given right to rewrite the nation's laws by fiat. This, of course, counters the UN gnomes' own claims to that right, and if weren't for the national shoot-on-sight policy regarding gnomes, they would have usurped and restaffed the judiciary long ago.

All branches are in constant feud, usually over which branch the corporations love best; they repeatedly cancel out each other's actions, and consequently, very little gets done -- and that's just the way the first Kennyite president would have wanted it. The corporations love it, and often stoke the interbranch discord; for an inefficient, do-nothing government is a government that governs least and preserves the power of the real leaders of Omigodtheykilledkenny: the Corporate Conglomerate, whose role in governance is little-mentioned in the Constitution.

The central document also surrenders much authority to the 25 sovereign states of the Federal Republic, all of which are governed under the same system as the federal government, and led by politicians every bit as corrupt, self-serving, corporate-bankrolled and consumed by intragovernmental contempt as their federal counterparts.

Federal Congress

The Federal Congress is the bicameral national legislature and consists of an Assembly and a Senate, members of each houses being popularly elected. The Congress is where the nation's competing corporate interests flex their political muscle; they urge their supporters in both houses to use "whatever means necessary" to pass their pet legislation: most often this includes violence, and congressional sessions usually degenerate into all-out brawls, with dueling coalitions attempting to beat the other side into submission. Amazingly, no one has died in these bloody political wars.

Assembly

The lower house, which has the "power of the purse," so to speak, and intitiates all federal appropriations, has 650 members, in most cases representing districts with relatively equal numbers of people. The Assembly also holds the power of impeachment.

Senate

The upper house, which ratifies treaties and confirms executive appointees, consists of three to five elected representatives from each state. The Senate also tries all impeachments, convicting accused officials by a two-thirds vote. Although there are currently 100 senators, each state has only one vote in the upper chamber.

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Manuelo Fernanda, the President of the Federal Republic, during a Frowning Street news conference.

The president and vice president of the Federal Republic are elected separately to 5-year terms by a 725-member Electoral College, the members of which are apportioned according to the congressional contingency of each of the 25 states. The federal district does not vote. Because the two are elected separately, it is possible the a president and vice president may belong to different political parties. Currently, the president belongs a major national political party while the vice president is a political indepedent. They were chosen by electors who endorsed both.

The president retains all exectutive powers, including serving as Commander in Chief of the armed forces, appointing ambassadors, envoys and agency and department heads, hosting foreign dignitaries, advocating the nation's interests abroad, lobbying for preferred legislation in the Federal Congress, and signing acts of Congress into law or vetoing the same. The vice president chairs the Senate and pretty much sits around and waits for the president to die, leave the country or take sick. Then she is in charge.

Key Cabinet Officials

UN Activity

Upon its founding, Omigodtheykilledkenny joined the United Nations and instantly became an outspoken opponent of legislation infringing on national sovereignty. It has opposed legislation such as the International Court of Justice, bans on chemical and biological arms, and the Freedom of Conscience act, and has strived to repeal several of the most intrusive, destructive and useless resolutions, most notedly the Protection of Dolphins Act. (See also Omigodtheykilledkenny's voting history as a UN delegate.)

Though very active in UN affairs, the Federal Republic remains openly hostile to the international organization. It has issued orders to its people to shoot any UN official on sight if caught violating the nation's sovereign borders. It also supervises the regionwide counter-Gnome operations, carried out by The Gnomish Warbands and elite penguin gnome-hunting commandos.

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The gnomes would do well to stay out of Kenny's way.

In addition, the Federal Republic's Creative Solutions Agency is charged with advising the government on how best to exploit loopholes in UN legislation.

The Fernanda Administration, the president especially, has been a strong critic of the UN "pissfest," even threatening to withdraw from the UN, but eventually agreeing to remain in the "corrupted" international body in order to push for vital reforms.

The Federal Republic's ambassador to the UN is Jack Riley, an undiplomatic smart alec who has been anything but a supporter of the UN. He once declared -- only half-jokingly -- that the United Nations headquarters be demolished and the body move to new digs "in the basement of a crackhouse in south-central Paradise City. We wouldn't even charge rent." Riley's appointment has been highly controversial, with liberals labeling him a "firebrand" and even going so far as to accuse the president of wanting to "sabotage" the UN.

Omigodtheykilledkenny, formerly the regional delegate for Antarctic Oasis, is a member of the UN Old Guard and the National Sovereignty Organization.

History

Omigodtheykilledkenny was founded in 1785 by desperate pilgrims seeking to escape persecution by the bloodthirsty Killer Prostitutes of the fearsome Nath-Nath Death Cult in their home country, the name and location of which has since been misplaced. Led by gallant explorer Thor Eliot, the weary pilgrims soon found the spacious and mostly unpopulated continent of Ameranta, and soon made contact with the mischievous Xt'Tapolopaquetl natives there. But after weeks of having to endure the natives' foolishness and practical jokes, Eliot bravely led the pilgrims to defeat the mighty Xt'Tapolopaquetl on Feb. 11, putting down the native Emperor Cuauhtémoc and fiercely wedgying him and his followers. Eliot then established the Federal Republic and named himself president.

Recent History

In 2000, following several terrorist incidents in Ameranta, Omigodtheykilledkenny became alarmed at the threats of terrorism and weapons of mass destruction posed by the rogue, oil- and blood-soaked desert region of Valdesia, and soon invaded the hostile nation of Lois-Must-Die, forcing regime change and holding elections, which resulted in the rise to power of another evil dictator, but a much more Ameranta-friendly one. For years, Omigodtheykilledkenny maintained a massive military presence in Lois-Must-Die, increasing its intelligence capabilities in that troubled region.

Three years after the Lois-Must-Die invasion, the Federal Republic expressed its intention to leave Ameranta if its left-wing founder would not halt its expulsions of nations it deemed too "dictatorial" for the "democratic" region. It did leave, cutting a deal with Valdesia's founder to realign much of its occupying forces in Lois-Must-Die in exchange for Valdesian real estate. A 2005 seismic catastrophe destroyed Valdesia and enveloped most of its nations, only a few escaping to an Antarctic refuge -- including the Federal Republic.

Although foreign policy softened under John Thorne, the new administration of Manuelo Fernanda has taken a rather extreme anti-terror stance, and has weathered widespread criticism of the international community for its actions in invading the island of Tiki Taki and The Eternal Kawaii.

Additional Material

• Repeal "Protection of Dolphins Act" (failed)
  
• Repeal "Fossil Fuel Reduction Act"
  
• Ambassadors to and from Omigodtheykilledkenny
  
• Kenny's One-Stop Diplomacy Shop!
  
• Chaos in the Eternal Kawaii: The Kitten Revolution
  
• A Day in Omigodtheykilledkenny