Zwangzug national football team

The Zwangzug national football team began international competition in the Baptism of Fire for World Cup 33, and won the twenty-fifth Cup of Harmony. Consisting of "whoever shows up" (athletics are not priorities in Zwangzug), and theoretically overseen by the Zwangzug Football Association (of which it has half the authority), it practices above the Waste Line in the Tirolean Mountains and flies, when not having one of its many airport fiascos, by Isolani Airlines. Due to training in the high altitude, the players have high endurance at relatively high-oxygenated stadia closer to sea level.

Stylistically, the team usually plays a defensive 3-4-3. Though this could be seen as oxymoronic by other countries, the team believes it to be a moderate formation, with as many forwards as defenders.

Starting Roster

Statistics are through Cup of Harmony 25.

Forwards

• #4, Philip Stings. Originally from Bangkok: grew up on the streets. Small. Fiesty. Dangerous. 11 career goals.
• #12, Yul Maughum. Also originally from Bangkok: has "ties" to people in power. Large. 9 career goals.
• #1, Simon Ryne Olson. From Merano. Show-off, arrogant...but he has the talent to back it up. 21 career goals.

Midfielders

• #31, Ulysses Stael. Older brother of Steven Ruck. One of the older players on the team, who would have had a long and talented career if Zwangzug had fielded a football team earlier.
• #13, Steven Ruck. Younger brother of Ulysses Stael: constantly feels like he's in the other's shadow, though a talented player in his own right. He changed his name to try and stand on his own.
• #54, Jacob Barons. Ketrian: unfortunately, few see much beyond that. 1 career goal.
• #50, Roger Hammers. From Merano. Usually in the center right-left as well as forward-back, which is difficult in a 3-4-3: such movement away from the center eventually forced him to admit that he had as many unique quirks as anybody else (perfect pitch, for one), because if he was truly average, that would be exceptionally strange. (It made sense that late at night.)

Defenders

• #46, Andrew Card. A moody "strategic rule-breaker", but concerned for others when he needs to be. 1 career goal.
• #69, Lawrence Sevvy. Known for his off-the-field affairs more than anything else. Dislikes BOB more than most.
• #27, Rube Tercer. The team captain. Strategically minded, coming up with creative formations BOB often overlooks, Rube's smiling face is the one any team would want to present to the media. He is eloquent and kind to teammate and opponent alike. (These idealistic attitudes are fairly nauseating to a great deal of the team.)

Goalkeeper

• #42, Anatoly Trumper. Not exceptionally athletic, but very competitive. He takes the game perhaps (in Andrew's opinion) too seriously.

Other personnel

Substitute

Anne Onymous, who wears all the untaken integers from 1 to 11. Equally versatile as a forward, midfielder, or defender, and able to play in multiple incarnations (she originally ranged up to 99, but it was decided that if she was needed more than nine times, there would be more concerns than she could deal with).

Coach

BOB 64, a product of the Artificial Intelligence University. "BOB" is sometimes jokingly said to stand for "Bought Out By" (presumably the number 64, as advertisements are forbidden in the country). An emotionless computer, unpopular among most of the team. An accompanying techie assists it when the nature of fractal reality interferes with wireless communication.

Media

Alan Babbage and Charles Turing cover the team for Zwangzug Broadcasting. A saxophonist also travels with the team to perform Zwangzug's Anthem. While all three of the country's leading newspapers cover it, they do not have correspondents with the team: there is little financial support from the government, also evidenced by the fact that the players must sleep two to a room.

Colors

The home jerseys for the Zwangzug team are white with black stripes. The away jerseys are black with white stripes. The goalkeeper's jersey has a multicolored fractal pattern.

Performance by event

• Baptism of Fire 20: 1-0-5 in group play, eliminated in regional semifinals
• World Cup 33 qualifiers: 9-4-5 in group play
• Cup of Harmony 25: champions