Zwangzug national football team

The Zwangzug national football team began international competition in the Baptism of Fire for World Cup 33, won the twenty-fifth Cup of Harmony, and qualified for World Cups 34 and 35. Consisting of "whoever shows up" (athletics are not priorities in Zwangzug), and theoretically overseen by the Zwangzug Athletics Organization, it practices and plays home games above the Waste Line in the Tirolean Mountains and flies, when not having one of its many airport fiascos, by Isolani Airlines. Due to training in the high altitude, the players have high endurance at relatively high-oxygenated stadia closer to sea level.

Starting Roster

Statistics are through World Cup 35.

Forwards

• #4, Philip Stings. Originally from Bangkok: grew up on the streets. Small. Feisty. Dangerous. 26 career goals.
• #12, Yul Maughum. Also originally from Bangkok: has "ties" to people in power. Large. 24 career goals.
• #1, Simon Ryne Olson. From Merano. Show-off, arrogant...but with the talent to back it up, Simon Ryne plays for Marienburg United in St Samuel. 45 career goals, including 2 hat tricks.

Midfielders

Midfielder Jacob Barons became the captain for World Cup 36.

Offensive

• #13, Steven Ruck. Younger brother of Ulysses Stael: constantly feels like he's in the other's shadow, though a talented player in his own right. He changed his name to try and stand on his own. 1 career goal.
• #54, Jacob Barons. Notably outgoing as a Ketrian: unfortunately, few have seen much beyond that. However, his steady and capable play earned him the team captaincy beginning World Cup 36. 2 career goals.

Middling

• #50, Roger Hammers. From Merano. Usually in the center right-left as well as forward-back, which was difficult in a 3-4-3: such movement away from the center eventually forced him to admit that he had as many unique quirks as anybody else (perfect pitch, for one), because if he was truly average, that would be exceptionally strange. (It made sense that late at night.)

Defensive

• #2, Timothy Nexus. Formerly just "the techie", assisting BOB when the nature of fractal reality interfered with wireless communication, Timothy joined the team before World Cup 35. He is fueled mainly by a seemingly endless supply of caffeine.
• #11, Eddie Barnes. Having watched football as a child, Eddie joined before World Cup 35 expecting national excitement very different from Zwangzug's reality. He is the younger brother of the team's official saxophonist.

Defenders

• #46, Andrew Card. A moody "strategic rule-breaker", but concerned for others when he needs to be. 1 career goal.
• #9, Mal Faustino. Joining the team before World Cup 36, he is a quiet but focused player.
• #44, Bartholomew Hanson. He also joined the team before World Cup 36. At first glance, he might seem to be an exceptionally tall child, but he is older and more mature than his appearance would indicate, and his height is a welcome addition to the defense.

Other personnel

Substitute

Anne Onymous, who wears all the untaken integers from 1 to 11. Equally versatile as a forward, midfielder, or defender, and able to play in multiple incarnations (she originally ranged up to 99, but it was decided that if she was needed more than nine times, there would be more concerns than she could deal with).

Coach

The native Bigtopian and former refugee Doodypants Mcgimpy became coach beginning for World Cup 36. Previously, the coach had been BOB 64, a product of the Artificial Intelligence University. "BOB" was sometimes jokingly said to stand for "Bought Out By" (presumably the number 64, as advertisements are forbidden in the country). An emotionless computer, unpopular among most of the team. Following a reprogramming by a Hurdist disguised as a Rejistani fan (with significant assistance from Lawrence Sevvy), BOB spewed support for open-source software. These "malfunctions" led to its replacement.

Media

Alan Babbage and Charles Turing cover the team for Zwangzug Broadcasting. A saxophonist also travels with the team to perform Zwangzug's Anthem. While all three of the country's leading newspapers cover it to some degree, they do not have correspondents with the team: there is little financial support from the government, also evidenced by the fact that the players must sleep two to a room.

Former players

• Ulysses Stael wore number 31, played as a midfielder, and retired after World Cup 34. He is the older brother of Steven Ruck, and would have had a long and talented career if Zwangzug had fielded a football team earlier. Ulysses was at one point in negotiations to play for a domestic team in St Samuel: it is unknown if those came to fruition.
• Lawrence Sevvy wore number 69, played as a defender, and retired after World Cup 35. Known for his off-the-field affairs more than anything else, he disliked BOB more than most. His crowing achievement was the eviction of BOB as coach: following that, anything else would have felt anticlimactic.
• Rube Tercer wore number 27, played as a defender, and was the team's first captain until his retirement after World Cup 35. Strategically minded, coming up with creative formations BOB often overlooks, Rube's smiling face is the one any team would want to present to the media. Eloquent and kind to teammate and opponent alike, his idealistic attitudes became fairly nauseating to a great deal of the team.

Colors

The home jerseys for the Zwangzug team are white with black stripes. The away jerseys are black with white stripes.

Style

Stylistically, the team played a defensive 3-4-3 through World Cup 34. Though this could have been seen as oxymoronic by other countries, the team believed it to be a moderate formation, with as many forwards as defenders. This symmetry was taken to a new level when it adopted the 3-2-1-2-3: it played with an attacking style for one cup as it made the transition, but has been neutral since.

Performance by event

• Baptism of Fire 20: 1-0-5 in group play, eliminated in regional semifinals
• World Cup 33 qualifiers: 9-4-5 in group play
• Cup of Harmony 25: champions
• World Cup 34 qualifiers: 7-1-4 in group play
• World Cup 34 proper: 1-1-1 in group play
• World Cup 35 qualifiers: 6-1-3 in group play, advanced through playoffs
• World Cup 35 proper: 1-1-1 in group play