Difference between revisions of "History of Antarctic Oasis"

Latest revision as of 14:41, 30 March 2007

The written history of the Antarctic Oasis region is a catalog of unspeakable evil, dastardly deeds, criminal capitalist ventures, warring on impoverished and oppressed peoples, sticking it to the poor and disadvantaged alike, gratuitous gnome slaughter, barbecuing dolphins, unhealthy fixations on goats, making people feel bad that they aren't part of the "Antarctian clique," [1] and (horror of horrors) swearing in the General Assembly. But it's all set to polka music, so all taken in it's rather amusing. Or nightmare-inducing. Or somewhat sacrilegious. I don't know. Whatever the score, the behavior of some regional representatives to the United Nations has been enough to prompt lecture after lecture after (mind-numbingly boring) lecture on diplomatic decorum. ... Can we start the bleeding article already?

Birth of a Region

Omigodtheykilledkenny founded Antarctic Oasis shortly after (or was it shortly before?) Manuelo Fernanda took office as president. The new Chief Executive said he moved because he couldn't stand the confining dress of women in the nation's former region of Valdesia [2], but other versions of the story speak of a cataclysmic seismic event that triggered an exodus of Valdesian nations to the Antarctic. Other nations from the period who are still around include Lois-Must-Die, Z0S0, The Palentine and the on-again-off-again republic of Mashtopia.

The region celebrated its first anniversary on May 22, 2006, wherein oozing purple Battle Pod penguins became an unexpected icon of the indomitable Antarctic spirit. [3]

When Floydists Attack

After trying to drag the region into a pointless war with some Godmoding communists, the Floydist nation of Palixia tried to steal Antarctic Oasis's delegate position from Omigodtheykilledkenny by winning endorsements from region members. But when it brought in outside Floydist nations to try to surpass the sitting delegate in the endorsement count, Omigodtheykilledkenny accused Palixia of staging an invasion. Upon hearing of this, most of the region members withdrew their endorsements, after which Palixia and its puppets and allies swiftly departed the region. Palixia was booted from the UN shortly thereafter.

Team Antarctica: World Police

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The Kitten Revolution would introduce the world to the Kennyite Stripper Commandos, among other symbols of indomitable Antarctic military strength.

Regional partners became heavily involved in OMGTKK's War on Terror, a conflict that had carried on for years -- and included such pivotal theaters as Lois-Must-Die -- but didn't really swing into gear under the Fernanda Administration until the senseless slaughter of the Paradise City Dumbass Cheerleaders in fall 2005. [4] The infant Allied Antarctic Asskickers being not yet ready for prime time, the task fell upon individual states to contribute to the anti-terror alliance.

The Kitten Revolution

When Kawaiians made the boneheaded move of pulling a lever in a Sanrio City park square, angering their sacred Sanrio Kittens and inciting them to visit terrors upon the city, the Federal Republic elected to take advantage of the situation and deploy military forces to the nation in efforts to quell the theocratic regime's nuclear ambitions. A heavy penguin bombardment prompted the otaku's immediate surrender [5], and a resulting ceasefire agreement accomplished little to resolve the growing nuclear threat, according to Kennyite leaders. And though little assistance came from the AAA in the course of the conflict, the world was at last introduced to the Stripper Commandos [6] and the foul-mouthed dolphins. [7]

'Screw this; I'm invading Chechnya!'

Coinciding with the brutal defeat of the Anti-Terrorism Act on the floor of the United Nations General Assembly, the Federal Republic responded to UN petulance by killing off one of its most prized (if tired) memes, using what later turned out to be a staged incident of terrorist penguin slaughter as an excuse to wage war on the tiny republic of Chechnya. As news of the "terrorist attack" spread, nations the world over pledged military support, including Antarctic allies The Palentine [8], Cluichstan [9], Gruenberg [10], and Cobdenia [11] (though it was not an Antarctic country at the time). Ausserland also placed its military on high alert [12], though it never showed up for the (surprisingly short) battle, while Tzorsland used the opportunity to genetically engineer a crime against nature. Cluichstan's ambassador to the Federal Republic would pay a steep price for his role in the scientific abomination [13] as the Male Stripper Commandos' televised assault on a Grozny FSO show led some to mull a UN convention abolishing such atrocities. [14]

Surrender, Gnomes!

Free Trade

Main article(s): Antarctic Oasis Economic Advancement Agreement

Delegate Smackdowns

2nd Semiannual

3rd Semiannual

Main article(s): 2006 Antarctic Oasis Delegate Election

AAA Treaty

Main article(s): Allied Antarctic Asskickers

Queeny bags herself a husband

No sooner had Queen Adrienne's Sept. 2006 call for eligible bachelors gone out to numerous region members than another round of international incidents so typical of Antarctic Oasis events made ready to spark in the Karmicarian capital -- though the resulting roster of suitors seeking her hand likely did not have Queeny singing "Hallelujah! It's Raining Men!" Migraine headaches and Alka-Seltzer would have probably been the more appropriate reaction as responses from outside nations started to pour in: from Ausserland, Lester Twombly, a wealthy geeky prankster [15]; from N00biana, Adam Newman, a creepy "death-cultist" with spooky eyes [16]; from The Palentine, Gunnery Sgt. Lou Diamond Harkness, a bellowing maniac prone to telling nauseating war stories and sheer damn manliness [17]; from Retired WerePenguins, Flash Blonde, a "brick wall with blonde hair" [18]; from the Federal Republic, Treasury Secretary Susa Batko-Yovino, a sleazy wannabe Jihadist [19]; and from Gruenberg, the only semi-attractive candidate, Vent Jiffjeff, a singing hippy and Lori Jiffjeff's brother-in-law. [20] The contest was on.

But it wasn't just a suitor contest that transpired that evening in Karma City: there was also a brief show of force by Ausserlander security at the Karmicarian airport [21]; Kennyite saber-rattling [22]; a not-so-veiled threat from OMGTKK's Cdr. Jenny Chiang [23]; and contestants dodging a pink poodle [24] and naked man-slaves. [25] Before the night was over, Twombly was pouting at the bar [26], Batko-Yovino had nearly exposed himself to Her Majesty [27], Flash was seemingly relieved he wasn't chosen [28], and Jiffjeff's despondence was lifted when Adrienne admitted to him that she preferred him. [29] But the choice was apparently not hers; it was her father's, and for some insane reason he chose Susa. [30] Yet the enraged Grand Vizier's parting shot at the Kennyite victor ("SUSA BATKO-YOVINO MUST DIE!!" [31]) would, unlike a certain Xt'Tapolopaquetl Bible prophecy [32], eventually come true one fateful February morning. [33]

Additional Material

• Antarctic Oasis regional forum
• Chaos in the Eternal Kawaii: The Kitten Revolution Obscenities visited upon a lunatic theocracy
• Kenny Strikes Back! Federal Republic responds to terror with more terror
• 2nd Semiannual Regional Delegate Pageant Gruenberg comes out on top, does a little goat-dance in celebration
• 3rd Semiannual Regional Delegate Smackdown Kivisto beats back his challengers
• Regional Free Trade Agreement The AOEAA is born
• Allied Antarctic Asskickers United We Stand, Divided We Fall
• AAA Treaty Signing Ceremony The ink barely dries as the region's leaders got down and dirty
• From the Queendom of Karmicaria Adrienne decides who's the sleaziest bachelor of them all