Difference between revisions of "Zwangzug national football team"
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| − | The '''[[Zwangzug]] national football team''' began international competition in the [[Baptism of Fire]] for [[World Cup 33]], won the [[Cup of Harmony 25|twenty-fifth Cup of Harmony]], and qualified for [[World Cup]]s [[World Cup 34|34]] through [[World Cup 36|36]]. Along the way to a fourth-place finish in World Cup 36, it became the first team to beat [[Bettia]] in the knockout stages but fail to win the tournament, and won the inaugural Golden Haddock award. Consisting of "whoever shows up" (athletics are not priorities in Zwangzug, though recent success has inspired the nation to take interest once in a while, which could not have been foreseen), and theoretically overseen by the [[Zwangzug Athletics Organization]], it practices high in the Rackham Range (though the stadium is a bit lower than the training grounds) and flies, when not having one of its many airport fiascos, by [[Isolani Airlines]]. Due to training in the high altitude, the players have high endurance at relatively high-oxygenated stadia closer to sea level. | + | The '''[[Zwangzug]] national football team''' began international competition in the [[Baptism of Fire]] for [[World Cup 33]], won the [[Cup of Harmony 25|twenty-fifth Cup of Harmony]], and qualified for [[World Cup]]s [[World Cup 34|34]] through [[World Cup 36|36]]. Along the way to a fourth-place finish in World Cup 36, it became the first team to beat [[Bettia]] in the knockout stages but fail to win the tournament, and won the inaugural Golden Haddock award. Consisting of "whoever shows up" (athletics are not priorities in Zwangzug, though recent success has inspired the nation to take interest once in a while, which could not have been foreseen), and theoretically overseen by the [[Zwangzug Athletics Organization]], it practices high in the Rackham Range (though the stadium is a bit lower than the training grounds) and flies, when not having one of its many airport fiascos, by [[Isolani Airlines]]. Due to training in the high altitude, the players have high endurance at relatively high-oxygenated stadia closer to sea level. They have also played in the Palloci |
==Starting Roster== | ==Starting Roster== | ||
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*<nowiki>#4</nowiki>, Philip Stings. The shortest but also fastest player on the team. Very "street-smart", having acquired a savvy from his [[Bangkok|hometown]] that still leads him to get physical quickly. 42 career goals. | *<nowiki>#4</nowiki>, Philip Stings. The shortest but also fastest player on the team. Very "street-smart", having acquired a savvy from his [[Bangkok|hometown]] that still leads him to get physical quickly. 42 career goals. | ||
*<nowiki>#1</nowiki>, Simon Ryne Olson. From [[Merano]]. Show-off, arrogant...but with the talent to back it up, Simon Ryne plays for [[Marienburg United]] in [[St Samuel]]. 59 career goals, including 2 hat tricks. | *<nowiki>#1</nowiki>, Simon Ryne Olson. From [[Merano]]. Show-off, arrogant...but with the talent to back it up, Simon Ryne plays for [[Marienburg United]] in [[St Samuel]]. 59 career goals, including 2 hat tricks. | ||
| − | *' | + | *<nowiki>#3</nowiki>, Peter Vanderpent. A very "visual thinker", aware of the correct location to be even when he can't get there, Peter joined the team before [[World Cup 37]]. |
===Midfielders=== | ===Midfielders=== | ||
[[Image:Barons.JPG|frame|right|Midfielder Jacob Barons became the captain for World Cup 36.]] | [[Image:Barons.JPG|frame|right|Midfielder Jacob Barons became the captain for World Cup 36.]] | ||
====Offensive==== | ====Offensive==== | ||
| − | *<nowiki>#13</nowiki>, Steven Ruck. Younger brother of Ulysses Stael: constantly felt like he's in the other's shadow, though a talented player in his own right. | + | *<nowiki>#13</nowiki>, Steven Ruck. Younger brother of Ulysses Stael: constantly felt like he's in the other's shadow, though a talented player in his own right. (Steven took the surname of his mother's second husband.) With Ulysses' retirement, the brothers are on better terms. 2 career goals. |
*<nowiki>#54</nowiki>, Jacob Barons. Notably outgoing as a [[Ketrianism|Ketrian]]: unfortunately, few have seen much beyond that. However, his steady and capable play earned him the team captaincy beginning [[World Cup 36]]. 5 career goals. | *<nowiki>#54</nowiki>, Jacob Barons. Notably outgoing as a [[Ketrianism|Ketrian]]: unfortunately, few have seen much beyond that. However, his steady and capable play earned him the team captaincy beginning [[World Cup 36]]. 5 career goals. | ||
====Middling==== | ====Middling==== | ||
| − | *<nowiki>#50</nowiki>, Roger Hammers. From Merano. Usually in the center right-left as well as forward-back, which was difficult in a 3-4-3: such movement away from the center eventually forced him to admit that he had as many unique quirks as anybody else (perfect pitch, for one), because if he was truly average, that would be exceptionally strange. (It made sense that late at night.) Roger plays for Seojang in the [[Daehanjeiguk]] [[National Football League (Daehanjeiguk)|national football league]]. | + | *<nowiki>#50</nowiki>, Roger Hammers. From Merano. Usually in the center right-left as well as forward-back, which was difficult in a 3-4-3: such movement away from the center eventually forced him to admit that he had as many unique quirks as anybody else (perfect pitch, for one), because if he was truly average, that would be exceptionally strange. (It made sense that late at night.) Roger plays for Seojang in the [[Daehanjeiguk]] [[National Football League (Daehanjeiguk)|national football league]], where he [http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13050234&postcount=34 became] the first foreigner to score a hat trick. |
====Defensive==== | ====Defensive==== | ||
| − | *<nowiki>#2</nowiki>, Timothy Nexus. Formerly just "the techie", assisting BOB when the nature of [[fractal reality]] interfered with wireless communication, Timothy joined the team before [[World Cup 35]]. He is fueled mainly by a seemingly endless supply of caffeine. | + | *<nowiki>#2</nowiki>, Timothy Nexus. From 102d. Formerly just "the techie", assisting BOB when the nature of [[fractal reality]] interfered with wireless communication, Timothy joined the team before [[World Cup 35]]. He is fueled mainly by a seemingly endless supply of caffeine. |
| − | *<nowiki>#11</nowiki>, Eddie Barnes. Having watched football as a child, Eddie joined before World Cup 35 expecting national excitement very different from Zwangzug's reality. He is the younger brother of the team's official saxophonist, and a "big-game" player, at his best against big-name opponents. | + | *<nowiki>#11</nowiki>, Eddie Barnes. Having watched football as a child in [[Arlington]], Eddie joined before World Cup 35 expecting national excitement very different from Zwangzug's reality. He is the younger brother of the team's official saxophonist, and a "big-game" player, at his best against big-name opponents. Eddie plays for [[Dunboor]] F. C. in the [[Cafundéu]] [[Cafundeu First Division|first division]]. |
===Defenders=== | ===Defenders=== | ||
| − | *<nowiki>#46</nowiki>, Andrew Card. A moody "strategic rule-breaker", but concerned for others when he needs to be. Andrew plays for [[Joseon]] in | + | *<nowiki>#46</nowiki>, Andrew Card. A moody "strategic rule-breaker", but concerned for others when he needs to be. Andrew plays for [[Joseon]] in [[Daehanjeiguk. 1 career goal. |
| − | *<nowiki>#9</nowiki>, Mal Faustino. Joining the team before World Cup 36, he is a quiet but focused player. 1 career goal. | + | *<nowiki>#9</nowiki>, Mal Faustino. Joining the team before World Cup 36, he is a quiet but focused player. Mal plays for A. F. F. in Cafundéu. 1 career goal. |
*<nowiki>#44</nowiki>, Bartholomew Hanson. He also joined the team before World Cup 36. At first glance, he might seem to be an exceptionally tall child, but he is older and more mature than his appearance would indicate, and his height is a welcome addition to the defense. | *<nowiki>#44</nowiki>, Bartholomew Hanson. He also joined the team before World Cup 36. At first glance, he might seem to be an exceptionally tall child, but he is older and more mature than his appearance would indicate, and his height is a welcome addition to the defense. | ||
==Other personnel== | ==Other personnel== | ||
| − | === | + | ===Substitutes=== |
| − | Anne Onymous, who | + | Anne Onymous, who wore all the untaken integers from 1 to 11, was the sole substitute from World Cups 33 through 36, after which she retired. Equally versatile as a forward, midfielder, or defender, she was able to play in multiple incarnations (she originally ranged up to 99, but it was decided that if she was needed more than nine times, there would be more concerns than she could deal with). |
| − | + | Following World Cup 36, however, unprecedented popularity meant that the team could include many more players. The following joined: <nowiki> Gary Maini (forward, #5), Ursula Lauren (midfielder, #6), Natalie Instonenext (defender, #7), Bethany Kieschnick (defender, #8) Brendan Deguela (midfielder, #10), Ian Felsenfeld (forward, #14), Evan Terwilliger (midfielder, #15), Claude Seu (midfielder, #16), Jesse Arneson (defender, #17), Cameron Beyer (defender, #18), Kayla McGee (midfielder, #19), and Preston Liebersbach (forward, #20).</nowiki> | |
| + | |||
| + | Of these, Maini, Lauren, and Instonenext are generally considered the best and most likely to play. All, however, are slightly more defensively-oriented than their starting counterparts: regardless of position, fewer goals will be scored and conceded when more of the substitutes are in. Seu is notable for his [[Ariddia]]n ancestry. | ||
===Coach=== | ===Coach=== | ||
The native Bigtopian and former refugee Doodypants Mcgimpy became coach beginning for World Cup 36. Previously, the coach had been BOB 64, a product of the [[Artificial Intelligence University]]. "BOB" was sometimes jokingly said to stand for "Bought Out By" (presumably the number 64, as advertisements are forbidden in the country). An emotionless computer, unpopular among most of the team. Following a reprogramming by a [[The HURD|Hurdist]] disguised as a [[Rejistania|Rejistani]] fan (with significant assistance from Lawrence Sevvy), BOB spewed support for open-source software. These "malfunctions" led to its replacement. | The native Bigtopian and former refugee Doodypants Mcgimpy became coach beginning for World Cup 36. Previously, the coach had been BOB 64, a product of the [[Artificial Intelligence University]]. "BOB" was sometimes jokingly said to stand for "Bought Out By" (presumably the number 64, as advertisements are forbidden in the country). An emotionless computer, unpopular among most of the team. Following a reprogramming by a [[The HURD|Hurdist]] disguised as a [[Rejistania|Rejistani]] fan (with significant assistance from Lawrence Sevvy), BOB spewed support for open-source software. These "malfunctions" led to its replacement. | ||
===Media=== | ===Media=== | ||
[[Alan Babbage]] and [[Charles Turing]] cover the team for [[Zwangzug Broadcasting]]. A saxophonist also travels with the team to perform Zwangzug's ''Anthem''. While all three of the country's leading newspapers cover it to some degree, they do not have correspondents with the team: there is little financial support from the government, also evidenced by the fact that the players had to sleep two to a room, a practice mercifully abandoned after World Cup 36. | [[Alan Babbage]] and [[Charles Turing]] cover the team for [[Zwangzug Broadcasting]]. A saxophonist also travels with the team to perform Zwangzug's ''Anthem''. While all three of the country's leading newspapers cover it to some degree, they do not have correspondents with the team: there is little financial support from the government, also evidenced by the fact that the players had to sleep two to a room, a practice mercifully abandoned after World Cup 36. | ||
| − | ===Retired | + | ===Retired starters=== |
*Ulysses Stael wore number 31, played as a midfielder, and retired after World Cup 34. He is the older brother of Steven Ruck, and would have had a long and talented career if Zwangzug had fielded a football team earlier. Ulysses was at one point in negotiations to play for a domestic team in St Samuel: it is unknown if those came to fruition. | *Ulysses Stael wore number 31, played as a midfielder, and retired after World Cup 34. He is the older brother of Steven Ruck, and would have had a long and talented career if Zwangzug had fielded a football team earlier. Ulysses was at one point in negotiations to play for a domestic team in St Samuel: it is unknown if those came to fruition. | ||
| − | *Lawrence Sevvy wore number 69, played as a defender, and retired after World Cup 35. Known for his off-the-field affairs more than anything else, he disliked BOB more than most. His crowing achievement was the eviction of BOB as coach: following that, anything else would have felt anticlimactic. | + | *Lawrence Sevvy wore number 69, played as a defender, and retired after World Cup 35. He originally hailed from the city of Bassabook. Known for his off-the-field affairs more than anything else, he disliked BOB more than most. His crowing achievement was the eviction of BOB as coach: following that, anything else would have felt anticlimactic. |
*Rube Tercer wore number 27, played as a defender, and was the team's first captain until his retirement after World Cup 35. Strategically minded, coming up with creative formations BOB often overlooks, Rube's smiling face is the one any team would want to present to the media. Eloquent and kind to teammate and opponent alike, his idealistic attitudes became fairly nauseating to a great deal of the team. | *Rube Tercer wore number 27, played as a defender, and was the team's first captain until his retirement after World Cup 35. Strategically minded, coming up with creative formations BOB often overlooks, Rube's smiling face is the one any team would want to present to the media. Eloquent and kind to teammate and opponent alike, his idealistic attitudes became fairly nauseating to a great deal of the team. | ||
*Yul Maughum wore number 12, played as a forward, and retired after World Cup 36, having scored 32 career goals. A large, lumbering man, with more power than aim in his shots, he set up many goals for fellow Bangkok native Phillip Stings. | *Yul Maughum wore number 12, played as a forward, and retired after World Cup 36, having scored 32 career goals. A large, lumbering man, with more power than aim in his shots, he set up many goals for fellow Bangkok native Phillip Stings. | ||
Revision as of 19:52, 13 September 2007
The Zwangzug national football team began international competition in the Baptism of Fire for World Cup 33, won the twenty-fifth Cup of Harmony, and qualified for World Cups 34 through 36. Along the way to a fourth-place finish in World Cup 36, it became the first team to beat Bettia in the knockout stages but fail to win the tournament, and won the inaugural Golden Haddock award. Consisting of "whoever shows up" (athletics are not priorities in Zwangzug, though recent success has inspired the nation to take interest once in a while, which could not have been foreseen), and theoretically overseen by the Zwangzug Athletics Organization, it practices high in the Rackham Range (though the stadium is a bit lower than the training grounds) and flies, when not having one of its many airport fiascos, by Isolani Airlines. Due to training in the high altitude, the players have high endurance at relatively high-oxygenated stadia closer to sea level. They have also played in the Palloci
Contents
Starting Roster
Statistics are through World Cup 36.
Zwangzug's players age approximately two years with the passing of every World Cup, but any effect it has on the level of technology in the country or how the year is reckoned in binary time is negligible.
Forwards
- #4, Philip Stings. The shortest but also fastest player on the team. Very "street-smart", having acquired a savvy from his hometown that still leads him to get physical quickly. 42 career goals.
- #1, Simon Ryne Olson. From Merano. Show-off, arrogant...but with the talent to back it up, Simon Ryne plays for Marienburg United in St Samuel. 59 career goals, including 2 hat tricks.
- #3, Peter Vanderpent. A very "visual thinker", aware of the correct location to be even when he can't get there, Peter joined the team before World Cup 37.
Midfielders
Midfielder Jacob Barons became the captain for World Cup 36.
Offensive
- #13, Steven Ruck. Younger brother of Ulysses Stael: constantly felt like he's in the other's shadow, though a talented player in his own right. (Steven took the surname of his mother's second husband.) With Ulysses' retirement, the brothers are on better terms. 2 career goals.
- #54, Jacob Barons. Notably outgoing as a Ketrian: unfortunately, few have seen much beyond that. However, his steady and capable play earned him the team captaincy beginning World Cup 36. 5 career goals.
Middling
- #50, Roger Hammers. From Merano. Usually in the center right-left as well as forward-back, which was difficult in a 3-4-3: such movement away from the center eventually forced him to admit that he had as many unique quirks as anybody else (perfect pitch, for one), because if he was truly average, that would be exceptionally strange. (It made sense that late at night.) Roger plays for Seojang in the Daehanjeiguk national football league, where he became the first foreigner to score a hat trick.
Defensive
- #2, Timothy Nexus. From 102d. Formerly just "the techie", assisting BOB when the nature of fractal reality interfered with wireless communication, Timothy joined the team before World Cup 35. He is fueled mainly by a seemingly endless supply of caffeine.
- #11, Eddie Barnes. Having watched football as a child in Arlington, Eddie joined before World Cup 35 expecting national excitement very different from Zwangzug's reality. He is the younger brother of the team's official saxophonist, and a "big-game" player, at his best against big-name opponents. Eddie plays for Dunboor F. C. in the Cafundéu first division.
Defenders
- #46, Andrew Card. A moody "strategic rule-breaker", but concerned for others when he needs to be. Andrew plays for Joseon in [[Daehanjeiguk. 1 career goal.
- #9, Mal Faustino. Joining the team before World Cup 36, he is a quiet but focused player. Mal plays for A. F. F. in Cafundéu. 1 career goal.
- #44, Bartholomew Hanson. He also joined the team before World Cup 36. At first glance, he might seem to be an exceptionally tall child, but he is older and more mature than his appearance would indicate, and his height is a welcome addition to the defense.
Other personnel
Substitutes
Anne Onymous, who wore all the untaken integers from 1 to 11, was the sole substitute from World Cups 33 through 36, after which she retired. Equally versatile as a forward, midfielder, or defender, she was able to play in multiple incarnations (she originally ranged up to 99, but it was decided that if she was needed more than nine times, there would be more concerns than she could deal with).
Following World Cup 36, however, unprecedented popularity meant that the team could include many more players. The following joined: Gary Maini (forward, #5), Ursula Lauren (midfielder, #6), Natalie Instonenext (defender, #7), Bethany Kieschnick (defender, #8) Brendan Deguela (midfielder, #10), Ian Felsenfeld (forward, #14), Evan Terwilliger (midfielder, #15), Claude Seu (midfielder, #16), Jesse Arneson (defender, #17), Cameron Beyer (defender, #18), Kayla McGee (midfielder, #19), and Preston Liebersbach (forward, #20).
Of these, Maini, Lauren, and Instonenext are generally considered the best and most likely to play. All, however, are slightly more defensively-oriented than their starting counterparts: regardless of position, fewer goals will be scored and conceded when more of the substitutes are in. Seu is notable for his Ariddian ancestry.
Coach
The native Bigtopian and former refugee Doodypants Mcgimpy became coach beginning for World Cup 36. Previously, the coach had been BOB 64, a product of the Artificial Intelligence University. "BOB" was sometimes jokingly said to stand for "Bought Out By" (presumably the number 64, as advertisements are forbidden in the country). An emotionless computer, unpopular among most of the team. Following a reprogramming by a Hurdist disguised as a Rejistani fan (with significant assistance from Lawrence Sevvy), BOB spewed support for open-source software. These "malfunctions" led to its replacement.
Media
Alan Babbage and Charles Turing cover the team for Zwangzug Broadcasting. A saxophonist also travels with the team to perform Zwangzug's Anthem. While all three of the country's leading newspapers cover it to some degree, they do not have correspondents with the team: there is little financial support from the government, also evidenced by the fact that the players had to sleep two to a room, a practice mercifully abandoned after World Cup 36.
Retired starters
- Ulysses Stael wore number 31, played as a midfielder, and retired after World Cup 34. He is the older brother of Steven Ruck, and would have had a long and talented career if Zwangzug had fielded a football team earlier. Ulysses was at one point in negotiations to play for a domestic team in St Samuel: it is unknown if those came to fruition.
- Lawrence Sevvy wore number 69, played as a defender, and retired after World Cup 35. He originally hailed from the city of Bassabook. Known for his off-the-field affairs more than anything else, he disliked BOB more than most. His crowing achievement was the eviction of BOB as coach: following that, anything else would have felt anticlimactic.
- Rube Tercer wore number 27, played as a defender, and was the team's first captain until his retirement after World Cup 35. Strategically minded, coming up with creative formations BOB often overlooks, Rube's smiling face is the one any team would want to present to the media. Eloquent and kind to teammate and opponent alike, his idealistic attitudes became fairly nauseating to a great deal of the team.
- Yul Maughum wore number 12, played as a forward, and retired after World Cup 36, having scored 32 career goals. A large, lumbering man, with more power than aim in his shots, he set up many goals for fellow Bangkok native Phillip Stings.
Colors
The home jerseys for the Zwangzug team are white with black stripes. The away jerseys are black with white stripes.
Style
Stylistically, the team played a defensive 3-4-3 through World Cup 34. Though this could have been seen as oxymoronic by other countries, the team believed it to be a moderate formation, with as many forwards as defenders. This symmetry was taken to a new level when it adopted the 3-2-1-2-3: it played with an attacking style for one cup as it made the transition, but has been neutral since.
Performance by event
- Baptism of Fire 20: 1-0-5 in group play, eliminated in regional semifinals
- World Cup 33 qualifiers: 9-4-5 in group play
- Cup of Harmony 25: champions
- World Cup 34 qualifiers: 7-1-4 in group play
- World Cup 34 proper: 1-1-1 in group play
- World Cup 35 qualifiers: 6-1-3 in group play, advanced through playoffs
- World Cup 35 proper: 1-1-1 in group play
- World Cup 36 qualifiers: 9-2-3 in group play, advanced through playoffs
- World Cup 36 proper: fourth place
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