Lenny Beteta

Lenny Beteta
Nation Omigodtheykilledkenny Title Ambassador to Antarctic Oasis Age 35

Lenny Beteta is the Kennyite ambassador to the Antarctic Oasis region. Born and raised in Santimami, Fleurdelisia, he got his doctorate in political science from Paradise City University in 1999. Around that time, however, having concluded that Kennyite politics had gone to pot along with the rest of the nation, Beteta abandoned his political aspirations and instead decided simply to sit on his ass and smoke himself retarded, eventually finding not-so-gainful employment in the world of professional skateboarding, wherein he befriended skating legend Brett Arlington.

Accepting a loan from Arlington, Beteta opened his own tattoo parlor in 2001. But the business foreclosed the next year, leaving its owner no other option but to join the circus as a sideshow freak, where he wowed audiences with the impossible pretzel-like shapes into which he could shape his body, the large amounts of motor oil he could ingest in one sitting, and the amazingly heavy objects he could lift with his penis. When asked by a reporter in 2003 whether he regretted his career choice, Beteta remarked, "Hell, at least I'm not some loser politico!" He later sued the carny industry, alleging widespread sexual discrimination, when several carnival managers refused to consider him for tattooed lady -- and won in a landmark 2005 federal court ruling. When his new employers told him he might make a more convincing tattooed lady if he wore a wig and some makeup, stopped wearing pants that accentuated his package so much, or at least shaved off his chest and facial hair, Beteta decided screw it, he may as well go back into politics.

He called in a favor from Arlington, who got a few corporate backers to refer Beteta to the State Department. President Manuelo Fernanda formally named him ambassador in March 2007, but since the Antarctic Oasis Diplomatic Corps hasn't done anything whatsoever since then, Beteta has found occasion once again to sit on his ass and smoke himself retarded. Beteta is assisted by a faithful bearded midget named Benny.

Additional Material

• Beteta's appointment as ambassador