Omigodtheykilledkenny

The Federal Republic of
Omigodtheykilledkenny

National Flag
National motto: You bastards!
In detail
Official languages	English (de facto), Spanish (widely spoken)
Capital	Paradise City
Largest city	San Andreas
Government  - President  - Vice President	Federal republic Manuelo Fernanda Antigone Morgan
UN Status	Withdrew 2006.02.09
Nation Code	KNNY
Area  - Total  - % water
Population	2,000,000,000
GDP (PPP)  - Total  - Per capita	$82.7 billion $46,083.64
Establishment	February 11, 1785
Constitution  - Ratified  - Effective	October 5, 1785 February 11, 1785 (retroactive)
Major Religions	Protestantism, Roman Catholicism, Judaism, Islam
Currency	tree-fiddy
Currency Code	TRFD
Internet TLD	.omg .tkk .kny
Calling Code	350
National anthem	Little Boy, You're Going to Hell
National animal	Kenny

The Federal Republic of Omigodtheykilledkenny is a medium-sized Antarctic nation, boasting a fiercely patriotic, flag-waving, (obviously) cold-averse, intelligent, well-educated, literate, (American) football-loving, devoutly religious and heavily armed citizenry. Unfortunately, the nation's citizens also rank among the dumbest in the world [1], and are easily swayed by catchy slogans, jingles and clever marketing gimmicks -- which has allowed the corporations to assume total control over their society and political system.

Founded on a centrist democratic tradition, the Omigodtheykilledkenny government has since become a virtual wholly owned subsidiary of the national corporate conglomerate. Economic freedoms are unparalleled, corporate dominance is near-absolute, economic restrictions and regulations are almost non-existent, and members of the national labor force enjoy no guaranteed rights. This has resulted in a massive economic boom, making the Federal Republic the economic superpower in its region and bringing its leading companies to the very forefront of cutting-edge technologal advances and international trade and commerce.

Though according to the United Nations the Federal Republic is a notorious "Corporate Bordello" (and sometimes an Anarchy) the nation still maintains a strong democratic tradition and a mind for human rights -- mostly because the government's corporate masters believe they can profit the most from a democratic government; they argue a more oppressive regime practicing repeated extrajudicial killings, beatings or detentions may cut into their customer base. The nation's people and laws embrace free speech for adherents of even the most radical and unpopular ideologies.

Government and Politics

Omigodtheykilledkenny is a federal republic, and as such adheres to the principles of federalism and republicanism. Thus, the federal government is divided into co-equal executive, legislative and judicial branches, and relinquishes many powers to the republic's 25 sovereign states. Though the people participate in universal, open, free, fair and democratic elections, corporations control the entire process, writing party platforms, bankrolling political advertising, approving speeches and campaign promises, and openly sponsoring their preferred candidates -- who are often seen on the campaign trail sporting racing jackets decorated with colorful corporate logos.

Two main parties dominate the political landscape: the pro-gun, pro-military, pro-life, anti-tax, anti-government, anti-UN God-fearing, Freedom-loving Conservative Patriot Party -- to which the current president belongs -- and the opposition anti-gun, anti-war, pro-choice, pro-government, pro-UN Pansy-ass Liberal Hippy Treehugger Party. Former President John Thorne, now a senator, leads the opposition. Conservatives currently control the bicameral Federal Congress.

The federal government currently holds offices at 10 Frowning Street in Paradise City. Omigodtheykilledkenny is able to house all its federal offices in one heavily fortified complex (containing several skyscrapers and a massive Capitol building), because the nation currently allocates zero funds for an administrative budget. The government's former digs at Thor Plaza were heroically burned to the ground by terror-arsonists in 2000.

The current President of the Federal Republic is Manuelo Fernanda, a former pro-boxer going by the nickname "The Destructor from Del Fuego, Mexico." Sponsored by Blast! Cola, Fernanda had pledged to address the threats posed by rogue nations with weapons of mass destruction, and furthermore promised "to kick some serious terrorist ass!" He accused Thorne, his rather bland opponent, of being unpatriotic, and was elected handily.

Constitution of the Federal Republic

The Constitution of Omigodtheykilledkenny is the Law of the Land, and preserves the rule of law and the rights of Kennyite citizens. Handed down by the first Kennyite president and his cronies in 1785, it divides the federal government into three separate, co-equal branches: the Legislative, consisting of a bicameral congress and packed with corrupt, self-serving, corporate-bankrolled elected representatives; the Executive, consisting of a corrupt, self-serving, corporate-bankrolled president and vice president and all executive appointees; and the Judiciary, the only non-elected branch, consisting of corrupt, self-serving, corporate-bankrolled judges of lower courts, and 12 Supreme Court Justices -- all of whom deem it their God-given right to rewrite the nation's laws by fiat. This, of course, counters the UN gnomes' own claims to that right, and if weren't for the national shoot-on-sight policy regarding gnomes, they would have usurped and restaffed the judiciary long ago.

All branches are in constant feud, usually over which branch the corporations love best; they repeatedly cancel out each other's actions, and consequently, very little gets done -- and that's just the way the first Kennyite president would have wanted it. The corporations love it, and often stoke the interbranch discord; for an inefficient, do-nothing government is a government that governs least and preserves the power of the real leaders of Omigodtheykilledkenny: the Corporate Conglomerate, whose role in governance is little-mentioned in the Constitution.

The central document also surrenders much authority to the 25 sovereign states of the Federal Republic, all of which are governed under the same system as the federal government, and led by politicians every bit as corrupt, self-serving, corporate-bankrolled and consumed by intragovernmental contempt as their federal counterparts.

Federal Congress

The Federal Congress is the bicameral national legislature and consists of an Assembly and a Senate, members of each houses being popularly elected. The Congress is where the nation's competing corporate interests flex their political muscle; they urge their supporters in both houses to use "whatever means necessary" to pass their pet legislation: most often this includes violence, and congressional sessions usually degenerate into all-out brawls, with dueling coalitions attempting to beat the other side into submission. Amazingly, no one has died in these bloody political wars.

Assembly

The lower house, which has the "power of the purse," so to speak, and intitiates all federal appropriations, has 650 members, in most cases representing districts with relatively equal numbers of people. The Assembly also holds the power of impeachment. States are entitled to elect a number of Assemblymen proportionate to their population; the Constitution ensures that all states are afforded at least three. Assemblymen are elected to serve 2.5-year terms.

Senate

The upper house, which ratifies treaties and confirms executive appointees, consists of three to five elected representatives from each state. The Senate also tries all impeachments, convicting accused officials by a two-thirds vote. Although there are currently 100 senators, each state has only one vote in the upper chamber. Senators serve 7-year terms.

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"The Destructor from Del Fuego, Mexico," Manuelo Fernanda, President of the Federal Republic, during a Frowning Street news conference.

The president and vice president of the Federal Republic are elected separately to 5-year terms by a 725-member Electoral College, the members of which are apportioned according to the congressional contingency of each of the 25 states. The federal district does not vote. Because the two are elected separately, it is possible the a president and vice president may belong to different political parties. Currently, the president belongs a major national political party while the vice president is a political indepedent. They were chosen by electors who endorsed both.

The president retains all exectutive powers, including serving as Commander in Chief of the armed forces, appointing ambassadors, envoys and agency and department heads, hosting foreign dignitaries, advocating the nation's interests abroad, lobbying for preferred legislation in the Federal Congress, and signing acts of Congress into law or vetoing the same. The vice president chairs the Senate and pretty much sits around and waits for the president to die, leave the country or take sick. Then she is in charge.

Key Cabinet Officials

International Affairs

On the world stage, Omigodtheykilledkenny is a little-respected, pissant little nation with a funny name that constantly invades other pissant little nations with funny names. Aside from agreeing to defend its regional partners through the Allied Antarctic Asskickers regional pact -- as well as informal defense agreements it has held with nations such as The Palentine and Cobdenia, and the enemy-of-my-enemy-is-my-friend understanding it has forged with Lois-Must-Die -- the Federal Republic considers itself an isolated nation in a remote corner of the world (Antarctica is about as remote as you're gonna get), and has little use for allies. It formerly belonged to Mutual Aid Pact, but withdrew after it concluded it was about as useful as a bucket of warm piss. Only until very recently did the Federal Republic resist opening formal diplomatic channels with outside nations: Omigodtheykilledkenny currently recognizes only about 30 nations diplomatically.

UN Activity

In spite of such suspicion of the international community, the Federal Republic upon its founding joined the United Nations and instantly became an outspoken opponent of legislation infringing on national sovereignty. It has opposed legislation such as the International Court of Justice, bans on chemical and biological arms, and the Freedom of Conscience act, and has strived to repeal what it has classified as several of the most intrusive, destructive and useless resolutions, most notably the Protection of Dolphins Act. (See also Omigodtheykilledkenny's voting history as a UN delegate.)

Though very active in UN affairs, the Federal Republic remains openly hostile to the international organization. It has issued orders to its people to shoot any UN official on sight if caught violating the nation's sovereign borders. It also supervises the regionwide counter-Gnome operations, carried out by The Gnomish Warbands and elite penguin gnome-hunting commandos. The Fernanda Administration, the president especially, has been a strong critic of the UN "pissfest," even threatening to withdraw from the UN, but eventually agreeing to remain in the "corrupted" international body in order to push for vital reforms.

The Federal Republic's ambassador to the UN is Jack Riley, an undiplomatic smart alec who has been anything but a supporter of the UN. He once declared -- only half-jokingly -- that the United Nations headquarters be demolished and the body move to new digs "in the basement of a crackhouse in south-central Paradise City. We wouldn't even charge rent." Riley's appointment has been highly controversial, with liberals labeling him a "firebrand" and even going so far as to accuse the president of wanting to "sabotage" the UN.

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Good advice.

The Federal Republic comes into "compliance" with UN mandates through its Creative Solutions Agency, which is also charged with advising the government on how best to exploit loopholes in UN legislation.

Omigodtheykilledkenny, formerly the regional delegate for Antarctic Oasis, is a member of the National Sovereignty Organization and UN DEFCON. It withdrew from the United Nations and the UN Old Guard in February, and presently casts its vote via a UN puppet.

Kenny Armed Forces

Even though it is one of the most efficient fighting forces in the world, mob-connected Defense Secretary Charlie Valentine has found a way to cut costs even further by purchasing equipment and munitions that fell off the back of a truck. Costs are also saved by exploiting the Antarctic avian natives, who have proven extremely loyal, territorial, and aggressive warriors in defense of the their homeland, and since their home colonies do not have a monetary system, they do not require pay. Kennyite forces operate in small, light and agile brigades, and although they contain conventional Army, Navy, Marine, Air Force and Coast Guard branches, the KAF are hardly conventional. Kennyite ingenuity has produced some of the most irregular weapons and forces known to man:

• Penguin Special Operations Forces have conducted many successful raids against the evil UN gnomes, and their lack of opposable thumbs hasn't affected their aim, either. In honor of the legendary Dr. Evil, these masked devils are equipped with "freakin' laser beams attached to their heads!"
• C4 Penguins are an odd breed of native Antarctican whose origin is a closely guarded state secret. Their propensity to explode at inopportune moments has made them a rather handy projectile to drop on enemies from 15,000 feet.
• Exotic Special Operations Forces ("Stripper Commandos") are specially trained, armed, equipped and, er, endowed to extract concessions or surrender from any man. They're exceptionally good in the face of a women-hating jihadist enemy, or an enemy that frowns upon indecency. Defiling their temples with "obscene" performances is fun. There are also Male Stripper Commandos, but they are only employed as a desparate last resort, or if the enemy is gay.
• Gay Spray has been perfected by Kennyite scientists. Instead of taking hours to work, Kennyite gay spray takes effect almost instantaneously -- which is a lot funnier. Kennyite forces will routinely play appropriate "mood music" over loudspeakers as they fire cannisters filled with the powerful aphrodisiac into enemy lines.
• The Doomsday Weapon emits such horrible, terrifying screeches, and causes such irreparable physical and psychological damage to all who see or hear it, an online petition calling for its immediate decommission has collected over 400,000 signatures. No dice.

The Kenny Armed Forces promise to progress the art of extraordinary warfare, and enrage and entertain the international community at large, as it continues to advance the fight against terror and rogue nations across the globe.

Economy

For a nation its size, the economy of the Federal Republic is extremely powerful, and has seen very few serious economic slumps since its founding; the Kennyite currency, the tree-fiddy, is equally powerful -- all thanks in part to unrelenting economic libertarianism and free-market policies, and to government leaders whoring themselves to the corporations like Christina Aguilera to some sweaty, filthy, half-naked guy in one of her music videos. Led by a booming uranium-mining industry, the Federal Republic belongs to UNOG's Uranium Magnates Association, having recently been elected chairman of the same. Together with powerhouse energy companies -- including the notorious Arrogant Bastard Oil (whose name is a blatant copyright infringement on a Stone Brewing Co. trademark) -- they dominate both the corporate landscape and the literal landscape, raping the Earth far below the Antarctic ices for natural resources to power the nation and its surrounding region and trading partners.

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Pepsi Corporation
"More Powerful than God."

Also leading the band of Omigodtheykilledkenny's many greedy capitalists are the insurance industry (led by Screw You! Insurance: "When we say jump, you better say 'How high?'"), arms manufacturers (the gun-totin' locals gotta arm themselves somehow), and, inexplicably enough, beef ranchers: no one is sure how these intrepid entrepreneurs raise the cattle in year-round sub-zero temperatures, but they do it somehow.

Sorry, Charlie Brown, but Kennyites and Kennyite society are commercial to the core, and damn proud of it. The Pepsi Corporation ("More Powerful than God") routinely tortures the public with cheesy Britney Spears commercials, and Disney owns just about everything that computer-software giant MacroHard and Starbucks haven't touched, and runs several theme parks in the Federal Republic's major cities. Several major organized crime rackets also control many lucrative black market storefronts, and are said to hold sway in the Federal Republic's capital city. More on that later.

Corporate Conglomerate

Representatives from leading Kennyite industries all hold seats in the Federal Republic's secretive and nary-discussed Corporate Conglomerate. No one is quite sure what these elite buinessmen and -women do behind closed doors, as they never reveal anyting to the public. Are they plotting world domination? Are they shaping the Federal Republic's destiny? Are they passing on secret instructions and directives to their clientele in the Federal Congress and statehouses? Are they simply getting drunk off their asses and challenging each other to perform insane stunts? No one knows for sure. But one thing is for sure: ordinary citizens are wise not to cross them. They will be crushed by the corporations' most powerful weapon: the lawyers.

People and Society

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Xt'Tapolopaquetl natives, crazed and gun-toting like any good Kennyites, protest annual Festival of Thor celebrations, which honor the OMGTKK founder who defeated the natives' historic ruler.

History

Omigodtheykilledkenny was founded in 1785 by desperate pilgrims seeking to escape persecution by the bloodthirsty Killer Prostitutes of the fearsome Nath-Nath Death Cult in their home country, the name and location of which has since been misplaced. Led by gallant explorer Thor, the weary pilgrims soon found the spacious and mostly unpopulated continent of Ameranta, and soon made contact with the mischievous Xt'Tapolopaquetl natives there. But after weeks of having to endure the natives' foolishness and practical jokes, Thor bravely led the pilgrims to defeat the mighty Xt'Tapolopaquetl on Feb. 11, putting down the native Emperor Cuauhtémoc and fiercely wedgying him and his followers. Thor then established the Federal Republic and named himself president.

Recent History

In 2000, following several terrorist incidents in Ameranta, Omigodtheykilledkenny became alarmed at the threats of terrorism and weapons of mass destruction posed by the rogue, oil- and blood-soaked desert region of Valdesia, and soon invaded the hostile nation of Lois-Must-Die, forcing regime change and holding elections, which resulted in the rise to power of another evil dictator, but a much more Ameranta-friendly one. For years, Omigodtheykilledkenny maintained a massive military presence in Lois-Must-Die, increasing its intelligence capabilities in that troubled region.

Three years after the Lois-Must-Die invasion, the Federal Republic expressed its intention to leave Ameranta if its left-wing founder would not halt its expulsions of nations it deemed too "dictatorial" for the "democratic" region. It did leave, cutting a deal with Valdesia's founder to realign much of its occupying forces in Lois-Must-Die in exchange for Valdesian real estate. A 2005 seismic catastrophe destroyed Valdesia and enveloped most of its nations, only a few escaping to an Antarctic refuge -- including the Federal Republic.

Although foreign policy softened under John Thorne, the new administration of Manuelo Fernanda has taken a rather extreme anti-terror stance, and has weathered widespread criticism of the international community for its actions in invading the island of Tiki Taki and The Eternal Kawaii.

Additional Material

• Repeal "Protection of Dolphins Act" (failed)
  
• Repeal "Fossil Fuel Reduction Act"
  
• Ambassadors to and from Omigodtheykilledkenny
  
• Kenny's One-Stop Diplomacy Shop!
  
• Chaos in the Eternal Kawaii: The Kitten Revolution
  
• Kenny gives UN the finger!
  
• Happy February 11 Everyone!
  
• A Day in Omigodtheykilledkenny