Difference between revisions of "OMGTKK Mission to the United Nations"

Latest revision as of 22:23, 12 September 2007

The OMGTKK Mission to the United Nations represents the Federal Republic's interests in the international legislative body. Widely acknowledged as one of the most powerful institutions in the federal government, the mission's head, formally called the ambassador to the United Nations, is considered the de facto senior official in the Kenny Diplomatic Service. The mission was established in May 2005, when the Fernanda Administration's application for Omigodtheykilledkenny to rejoin the UN was approved, and it maintains an office suite on the eighth floor of UN Headquarters.

Former cabinet official and abdicated foreign royal Susa Batko-Yovino is the newly installed head of mission and ambassador to the United Nations.

UN Delegation

See also: Official Profiles of Mission staff

The Federal Republic's activities at UN Headquarters are coordinated through the mission's UNHQ office suite. The UN ambassador, his deputy, and a core of key staffers and cabinet officials usually represent OMGTKK in UN discussions. Though not considered a member of the UN delegation, President Manuelo Fernanda is also a frequent, if unwelcome, guest at UN Headquarters.

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The current ambassador to the United Nations, Susa Batko-Yovino, serves purely a ceremonial role over the UN mission, and spends most of his time (and his rich girlfriends' dough) in Tony's Palace Casino on the 28th floor of UN Headquarters.

• Susa Batko-Yovino, Ambassador to the United Nations --- A buddy of President Fernanda's from their pro-boxing days together, and former treasury secretary and king of Karmicaria, Amb. Batko-Yovino actually has very little interest in politics, and is mostly in it for the chance at whoring himself to rich, powerful women so he can spend all their money on hookers, weed and slot machines. It took some convincing the ex-secretary to take the ambassadorial post, State Department officials say, but the Thessadorian ambassador's fondness for tight T-shirts and the fact that UNHQ has its very own casino were apparently the clinchers. The appointment of the erstwhile royal is said to be a punishment to the UN-fellating congressional Liberals for stealing control of the legislative branch this year -- as the Xt'Tapolopaquetl militant would rather blow up the UN than be one of its diplomats -- but it's not like the Liberals can accuse the Fernanda Administration of violating UN Resolution #168 or anything; Liberals practically wrote the book on coddling terrorists.

• Cdr. Jenny Chiang, Deputy Ambassador to the United Nations --- A decorated veteran of Kawaii's Kitten Revolution, former security attaché Cdr. Chiang continues to coordinate the UN mission's security policy and command its security detail. A sort of surrogate ambassador, Chiang directs mission legislative policy and is the primary spokeswoman for the Federal Republic in the General Assembly.

• Sammy Faisano, Adviser/Ambassador to Ardchoille --- Formerly ambassador and head of mission, Faisano, as representative to a major exporter nation of drunken diplomats, has since taken up a sort of unofficial role as envoy to the UN Strangers' Bar, one of the NS world's major diplomacy hubs, and a veritable snakepit of shameless gossip and international intrigue.

• Alex Tehrani, Secretary of State --- Though UN affairs fall under the State Department's jurisdiction, Tehrani has made a point of not meddling too much in the UN mission's affairs, and only occasionally stands in for the mission during UN discussions. Easily the most diplomatic of OMGTKK's contingent, Tehrani's role as chief adviser to President Fernanda makes his voice especially credible, as he is widely regarded as speaking directly for the president.

History of the Mission

Established in 2005 by lame-duck President John Thorne as a way of challenging his anti-UN successor Manuelo Fernanda to keep the Federal Republic in the United Nations, the mission's first permanent representative to the UN was Fernanda appointee Jack Riley, who quickly established himself and his nation as a friend of national sovereignty, and foe of the dolphins. Riley didn't have much in the way of staff, though Deputy Ambassador George Brown did stand in for him from time to time, and Cdr. Jenny Chiang was appointed security attaché to the United Nations in March 2006. Under Riley, the mission became known as a pioneer of silly forum polls and failed repeals, its proposed scrappings of Protection of Dolphins Act and Fossil Fuel Reduction Act both being shot down in late 2005. The success of the Gay Rights repeal, defying particularly long odds, was considered a fluke by many.

OMGTKK also became known as a haven for insanity and the insane thanks to Jack Riley, whose disjointed rants on the UN floor grew more and more conspiracy-mongering and paranoid by the minute. The Federal Republic resigned from the United Nations in protest of its defeat of the Anti-Terrorism Act in Feb. 2006, though Riley stayed on as ambassador from OMGTKK's many UN puppet nations, and versed connoisseur of any liquid medicine that crossed his desk. After kidnapping one of Ardchoille's key diplomats, Riley was placed on medical leave, and later got the axe, along with a lifetime ban from UN Headquarters.

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Former Ambassador Sammy Faisano and former Deputy Ambassador Jessie McArthur.

Sammy Faisano replaced Riley in July 2006 as OMGTKK returned to the UN as a full member. The young, untested diplomat was assisted by (nominal) Deputy Ambassador Jessie McArthur, who was mostly eye candy; Chiang, who quickly became one of the more important mission staffers as a surrogate deputy ambassador; Brown, who remained on as "communications director," whose job it was to spam delegates about Kennyite legislation; and Ex-Assemblywoman Shirley Jackson, a conspiracy-whoring nutcase who was only sent to the mission as "Acting Interim Associate Deputy Assistant Sub-Ambassador" so she would stop leaking classified reports to the press.

Numerous Kennyite proposals came down the pipe under Amb. Faisano, including Unconventional Arms Accord, an attempt at blocking future disarmament resolutions; Prohibition of UN Military, an attempt to codify a longstanding ban on UN military activity into international law; and a repeal of Mutual Recognition of Borders -- all of which failed. Two last-minute proposals, Accessible Family Planning and a repeal of SPCC Regulation Act, scored unexpected victories on the UN floor. The former, however, convinced many in the Fernanda Administration that Faisano was really a fluffy in sovereigntist clothing, and many suspect that was the reason behind the ambassador's Aug. 2007 reassignment to Ardchoille (though as his duties in the new post would consign him mostly to the Strangers' Bar, he remained as an adviser to the UN mission).

Faisano wasn't the only one to be reassigned, however, as the State Department quickly began dispatching most of his staff to far-off lands in a veritable Clearance Sale of damaged-goods diplomats. Jackson became ambassador to The Eternal Kawaii, McArthur the ambassador to Xirnium, Brown the ambassador to Rubina. Virtually the staffer left was Chiang, who acted as ambassador for a month after Faisano's departure. Fears that the newly elected Liberal majority in the Federal Senate would not confirm Chiang as permanent ambassador led to the administration's nomination of Susa Batko-Yovino, a Fernanda crony who would have little more than ceremonial duties as ambassador, while Chiang continued to exercise most of the mission's real authority as deputy ambassador.

Sponsored Legislation

The Federal Republic has campaigned, or helped campaign, to bring 14 proposals to quorum. Though 12 did make it to queue, only five have passed. Potential UN legislators ought to be cautioned about enlisting the Kenny delegation for assistance; the State Department warns that OMGTKK's support for a proposal may well seal its fate on the General Assembly floor.

UN Proposals

Repeal 'Protection of Dolphins Act'

Main article(s): Repeal "Protection of Dolphins Act" (failed)

Removing the popular, if controversial, dolphin-protection statute from the UN books was an obsession for the Fernanda Administration when it first came to office in June 2005, as it considered dolphins spies for hostile nations [1]. A mere month after it passed, the Federal Republic introduced a repeal of the resolution, which got roughly 100 delegate approvals, but failed to reach quorum. Two weeks later in mid-August, it reintroduced the same repeal, which was quickly tied to an effort by UN Old Guard nations to replace existing animal-protection laws with a comprehensive bill to protect all endangered species in the UNsphere (later passed under the acronym UNCoESB). The repeal failed -- but was avenged when Yelda introduced a repeal of the same resolution two months later, which passed by a narrow margin. As far as the OMGTKK State Department is aware, PoDA is the only resolution in UN history to be repealed after two attempts.

Repeal 'Fossil Fuel Reduction Act'

Main article(s): Repeal "Fossil Fuel Reduction Act"

Convinced that the United Nations was infected by a "fanatical anti-fossil-fuel craze," and that FFRA's repeal was "inevitable" [2], OMGTKK introduced a repeal weeks after FFRA passed in early October 2005. Though several nations helped with the draft, OMGTKK distributed telegrams to delegates all on its own, and it hit quorum inside a day. Once it got to vote, however, chances for its passage were slim. Cluichstan and Gruenberg tried to change the tide by lobbying opponents and delegate nations that hadn't voted, but the repeal still failed, 60%-40%.

Repeal 'Gay Rights'

Main article(s): Repeal "Gay Rights"

A fractious debate over the Gay Rights law, a controversial UN Secretariat ruling on an earlier repeal's legality, the suggestion that Gay Rights was ineffective and could be stricken out on redundancy grounds -- and Amb. Jack Riley's psychotic obsession with giant radioactive hamsters -- brought the eventual repeal of Resolution #12 to the fore. The repeal argument was based mostly on arguments offered by Gruenberg, who also assisted with most of the drafting and telegrammed with Cluichstan to help it reach quorum. Despite an emotional, divisive floor debate, and conventional wisdom at the time that Gay Rights couldn't be repealed, the repeal passed easily in February 2006.

Abortion Legality Convention

Main article(s): Abortion Legality Convention

On the heals of the repeal of Abortion Rights (cited by some as "the worst resolution in the history of the UN"), which opened a wide chasm between sovereignty proponents and backers of abortion rights, Gruenberg authored a resolution preserving nations' rights to legislate on the matter of abortion, and delegated to the Kenny UN Mission the task of submitting the proposal and spearheading a telegram campaign to get it to quorum. Cluichstan, The Palentine and Wyldtree assisted with telegramming efforts, and the bill was placed in the voting queue ahead of a competing proposition (sponsored by Waterana) to mandate legalized abortion in all member states. The Mission also beat back a legality challenge lodged against it, and owing to the Gruenberger delegation's absence, served as the proposal's surrogate sponsor once it hit the floor in March 2006. It passed overwhelmingly.

Unconventional Arms Accord

Main article(s): Unconventional Arms Accord

A resolution to regulate the use of chemical and biological weapons, and to give individual member nations the right to develop and produce any weapons their leaders deem necessary to national defense, met with heavy opposition on the General Assembly floor when it was introduced in Nov. 2006. While the reasons for its failure at vote were not immediately clear, many active UN delegations were strongly opposed to the provision that would outlaw all future UN weapons bans. Many others assumed the proposal was either a ban or restriction on the production of unconventional arms. Although the proposal's ultimate defeat was an embarrassment for the Federal Republic and its new ambassador (who had taken up UCAA as his first legislative project), most State Department officials considered subsequent UN bans on biological and radiological weapons an upside to its failure.

Prohibition of UN Military

Main article(s): Prohibition of UN Military

This proposal came to the fore at the behest of NSUN moderator Frisbeeteria, who sought to prevent the submission of illegal proposals introducing a UN military or police force. In Dec. 2006 the mission coordinated with UN DEFCON in producing a simply worded military ban. Luckily it carried the "Frisbeeteria curse" and failed miserably on the UN floor. The idea of a UN military force proved very popular, though none exist and it is illegal to create any.

Repeal 'Mutual Recognition of Borders'

Main article(s): Repeal "Mutual Recognition of Borders"

Accessible Family Planning

Main article(s): Accessible Family Planning

Sammy Faisano originally introduced this ill-conceived piece of fluffy bastage, which was later picked up by the Karmicarians and honed into a project worthy of submission. (And of course the Karmicarians would have an interest in making family-planning services more accessible -- they're sluts!! Ha! Ha! ... C'mon, that's funny!) Even though the mission, with so many failed proposals under its belt, discovered that submitting other nations' proposals under puppet guise, or having other nations submit Kennyite proposals under puppet guise, was practically the only way for a Kennyite resolution to pass [3], Faisano's secret involvement in the draft was later made public knowledge, and he's no longer the Federal Republic's ambassador. We wonder why?

Repeal 'SPCC Regulation Act'

Main article(s): Repeal "SPCC Regulation Act"

Telegram Campaigns

FOR

• Anti-Terrorism Act -- The Federal Republic campaigned for a Cluichstani proposal to halt state support for international terrorism, coordinating a telegram push between the author, OMGTKK, Gruenberg and The Palentine to get it to queue; speaking out as a main proponent of the legislation during the floor debate, and telegramming opponents urging them to switch their votes. The act was defeated in February 2006 by a slim margin, and the Federal Republic withdrew from the United Nations the same day. [4]

• Auto Free Trade Agreement -- OMGTKK participated in a campaign along with Gruenberg and AFTA sponsor Teruchev to get to quorum a proposal to eliminate protectionist devices on the trade of automotive products throughout the UN. The proposal failed on the UN floor in April 2006.

• UN Counterterrorism Initiative

• Repeal "Banning Whaling" -- The Kenny UN Mission participated in a Yeldan campaign to bring a repeal of the UN's whaling ban to quorum in late 2006. It did not succeed, though a later repeal attempt, sponsored by sadistic international whaling conglomerate and Manuelo Fernanda corporate sponsor WhaleCo Global LLC, did reach quorum, and passed by the narrowest of margins in May 2007.

• Repeal "Hearing Impaired Aid Act" -- Gruenberg's second attempt to repeal HIAA, considered by some flawed and redundant, included assistance from its Kennyite allies, and did not reach quorum. A later version of the sultanate's repeal was passed by the General Assembly in Nov. 2006.

AGAINST

• Fossil Fuel Reduction Act -- The Federal Republic urged FFRA supporters to switch their votes while the act was being debated on the UN floor. Despite the fact that dozens of delegates eventually did change their votes (amounting to roughly 200 in total), the resolution still passed.

• Repeal "Abortion Legality Convention" -- The Kenny UN Mission telegrammed delegates approving a Yelda-sponsored ALC repeal in May. Unbeknownest to the Kenny delegation at the time, Republicans Armed was also spamming approving delegates through multiple puppets in an alleged mass deception campaign against the same repeal. Though many did withdraw their votes, and the repeal failed to reach quorum, the Mission's impact is not known. Republicans Armed was expelled from the United Nations hours before Yelda's proposal expired.

UN Organizations

The delegation has been involved in several organizations devoted to discussing UN affairs, including FAIRTRADE, the United Nations Old Guard and the ACCEL UN Division, but most of its efforts have been devoted to two key UN think tanks.

• National Sovereignty Organization -- Committed as its always been to protecting the rights of nations from unnecessary international intrusion, the Federal Republic joined the NSO around the same time that its repeal of the Protection of Dolphins Act reached quorum. The Kenny delegation used this saloon for filthy sovereigntist outlaws as a base of operations for the Unholy Trinity's campaigns for Repeal "Fossil Fuel Reduction Act," Repeal "Gay Rights," the Anti-Terrorism Act and the Abortion Legality Convention.

• UN DEFCON -- OMGTKK was a founding member of the UN Defense Convention, described by Jack Riley as "a necessary and vital organization formed upon the ruins of the Anti-Terrorist Act, with the purpose of kicking some sense into a woefully unserious international body bent on security negligence and terror apologism." [5] Aside from lending moral support to Official UN DEFCON Legislation (like UN Demining Survey and Repeal "Banning the use of Landmines") -- and usual hijinks with foul-mouthed naval dolphins, Stripper Commandos, CPESL agents, and unspeakably evil plots to assimilate UN Fluffies and secure Kennyite hegemony across the NS globe -- the Federal Republic found DEFCON's secure underground bunker useful for enlisting allies for its invasion of Chechnya. That, and lounging around waiting for the re-emergence of the failed anti-terror act -- watching in horror as gray hairs begin to appear on its proverbial chest (they sprout faster than you can pluck them, you know).

Additional Material

• Kenny gives UN the finger!
• MTT enters the UN fray
• Respect our authoritah!!