Difference between revisions of "OMGTKK Mission to the United Nations"

Revision as of 13:29, 1 May 2007

There's only one word for the Federal Republic's policy on UN affairs: fucking awesome!! OK, that's two words. Whatever.

Legislative Projects

The Federal Republic has campaigned, or helped campaign, to bring 12 proposals to quorum. Though 10 did make it to queue, only three have passed. Potential UN legislators ought to be cautioned about enlisting the Kenny delegation for assistance; the State Department warns that OMGTKK's support for a proposal may well seal its fate on the General Assembly floor.

UN Proposals

• Repeal "Protection of Dolphins Act" (sponsor) -- Removing the popular, if controversial, dolphin-protection statute from the UN books was an obsession for the Fernanda Administration when it first came to office in June 2005, as it considered dolphins spies for hostile nations [1]. A mere month after it passed, the Federal Republic introduced a repeal of the resolution, which got roughly 100 delegate approvals, but failed to reach quorum. Two weeks later in mid-August, it reintroduced the same repeal, which was quickly tied to an effort by UN Old Guard nations to replace existing animal-protection laws with a comprehensive bill to protect all endangered species in the UNsphere (later passed under the acronym UNCoESB). The repeal failed -- but was avenged when Yelda introduced a repeal of the same resolution two months later, which passed by a narrow margin. As far as the OMGTKK State Department is aware, PoDA is the only resolution in UN history to be repealed after two attempts.

• Repeal "Fossil Fuel Reduction Act" (sponsor) -- Convinced that the United Nations was infected by a "fanatical anti-fossil-fuel craze," and that FFRA's repeal was "inevitable" [2], OMGTKK introduced a repeal weeks after FFRA passed in early October. Though several nations helped with the draft, OMGTKK distributed telegrams to delegates all on its own, and it hit quorum inside a day. Once it got to vote, however, chances for its passage were slim. Cluichstan and Gruenberg tried to change the tide by lobbying opponents and delegate nations that hadn't voted, but the repeal still failed, 60%-40%.

• UN RESOLUTION #144: Repeal "Gay Rights" (sponsor) -- A fractious debate over the Gay Rights law, a controversial UN Secretariat ruling on an earlier repeal's legality, the suggestion that Gay Rights was ineffective and could be stricken out on redundancy grounds -- and Amb. Jack Riley's psychotic obsession with giant radioactive hamsters -- brought the eventual repeal of Resolution #12 to the fore. The repeal argument was based mostly on arguments offered by Gruenberg, who also assisted with most of the drafting and telegrammed with Cluichstan to help it reach quorum. Despite an emotional, divisive floor debate, and conventional wisdom at the time that Gay Rights couldn't be repealed, the repeal passed easily in February.

• UN RESOLUTION #147: Abortion Legality Convention (co-sponsor) -- On the heals of the repeal of Abortion Rights (cited by some as "the worst resolution in the history of the UN"), which opened a wide chasm between sovereignty proponents and backers of abortion rights, Gruenberg authored a resolution preserving nations' rights to legislate on the matter of abortion, and delegated to the Kenny UN Mission the task of submitting the proposal and spearheading a telegram campaign to get it to quorum. Cluichstan, The Palentine and Wyldtree assisted with telegramming efforts, and the bill was placed in the voting queue ahead of a competing proposition (sponsored by Waterana) to mandate legalized abortion in all member states. The Mission also beat back a legality challenge lodged against it, and owing to the Gruenberger delegation's absence, served as the proposal's surrogate sponsor once it hit the floor in March. It passed overwhelmingly.

• Unconventional Arms Accord (sponsor)

• Prohibition of UN Military (sponsor)

• Repeal "Mutual Recognition of Borders" (sponsor)

Telegram Campaigns

FOR

• Anti-Terrorism Act -- The Federal Republic campaigned for a Cluichstani proposal to halt state support for international terrorism, coordinating a telegram push between the author, OMGTKK, Gruenberg and The Palentine to get it to queue; speaking out as a main proponent of the legislation during the floor debate, and telegramming opponents urging them to switch their votes. The act was defeated in February by a slim margin, and the Federal Republic withdrew from the United Nations the same day. [3]

• Auto Free Trade Agreement -- OMGTKK participated in a campaign along with Gruenberg and AFTA sponsor Teruchev to get to quorum a proposal to eliminate protectionist devices on the trade of automotive products throughout the UN. The proposal failed on the UN floor in April 2006.

• UN RESOLUTION #168: UN Counterterrorism Initiative

• Repeal "Banning Whaling"

• Repeal "Hearing Impaired Aid Act"

AGAINST

• UN RESOLUTION #126: Fossil Fuel Reduction Act -- The Federal Republic urged FFRA supporters to switch their votes while the act was being debated on the UN floor. Despite the fact that dozens of delegates eventually did change their votes (amounting to roughly 200 in total), the resolution still passed.

• Repeal "Abortion Legality Convention" -- The Kenny UN Mission telegrammed delegates approving a Yelda-sponsored ALC repeal in May. Unbeknownest to the Kenny delegation at the time, Republicans Armed was also spamming approving delegates through multiple puppets in an alleged mass deception campaign against the same repeal. Though many did withdraw their votes, and the repeal failed to reach quorum, the Mission's impact is not known. Republicans Armed was expelled from the United Nations hours before Yelda's proposal expired.

Kenny UN Delegation

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Ambassador Sammy Faisano, left, heads the Kenny UN Mission; Deputy Amb. Jessie McArthur, right, is fun to look at.

The Federal Republic's activities at UN Headquarters are coordinated through the mission's office suite [4] on the eighth floor of the UN building. The UN ambassador, his deputy, and a core of key staffers and cabinet officials usually represent OMGTKK at UNHQ:

• Sammy Faisano, Ambassador to the United Nations: One of the youngest and most junior members of the Kenny Diplomatic Service, Faisano acts as head of the UN mission and chief spokesman for the Federal Republic on the General Assembly floor. His appointment as ambassador having come on the heels of his nation's formal re-entry to the United Nations, Faisano is also charged with improving the Federal Republic's image in the world body and introducing legislation to push the administration's cause for UN reform.

• Jessie McArthur, Deputy Ambassador to the United Nations: Though her official duties are to "sit there and look pretty whenever the ambassador speaks," if the Fernanda Administration really wanted to limit its deputy ambassador to such an understated role, it probably should have chosen someone with more self-restraint. Since her arrival at UNHQ, McArthur seems to have taken on the unofficial duties of repeatedly embarrassing herself and giving her superior headaches.

• Alex Tehrani, Secretary of State: Though UN affairs fall under the State Department's jurisdiction, Faisano as UN ambassador has his own cabinet seat, and Tehrani grants him a great deal of autonomy to act as speaker for the government at the world body. Tehrani does step in to represent the Federal Republic from time to time, mostly during votes on major UN legislation. Easily the most diplomatic of OMGTKK's contingent, Tehrani's role as chief adviser to President Fernanda makes his voice especially credible, as he is widely regarded as speaking directly for the president.

• Cmdr. Jenny Chiang, Security Attaché: A decorated veteran of Kawaii's Kitten Revolution and a hold-over from the Riley era, Cmdr. Chiang is the coordinator of the UN mission's security policy and commander of its security detail. She has also been given a legislative policy role over matters of international security, and will be authorized to speak on such matters before the General Assembly.

• George Brown, Director of Communications: Riley's former deputy and stand-in has been relegated to the task of sending out official lobby telegrams under Faisano. He is to be given no policy authority, over communications or any other area, and will only speak for the mission when absolutely no one else is available -- and even then, he will stick to what he does best: reading off State Department talking points, [5] and lip-synching to the ambassador's voice. [6]

• Shirley Jackson, Acting Interim Associate Deputy Assistant Sub-Ambassador: A crackpot conspiracy-monger with no diplomatic expertise, Assemblywoman Jackson has been exiled to the United Nations in an effort to keep her from leaking national-security secrets. A staunch anti-Fernanda Liberal, Jackson's main duties are railing against her employers and accusing random UN dipolomats of racism and sexual harassment.

Other Officials

• Jack Riley, Ex-Ambassador to the United Nations: Known for his harsh rhetoric, enduring hatred for the United Nations and its sneaky gnome enforcers, and as a chief proponent of sovereigntist policy, Riley has been stripped of his ambassadorial status and forbidden from visiting UNHQ without Tehrani's, Faisano's or Chiang's permission. The author of OMGTKK's repeal proposals, Riley as ambassador was the chief spokesman for Abortion Legality Convention and the leader of the opposition to Freedom of Conscience. Though criticized, even lampooned, for a series of paranoid rants he's delivered on the floor [7] [8] [9] -- and for resorting to insane stunts like kidnapping the Kawaiian nuncio [10] -- Riley was also a serious and influential legislator, having formulated the Federal Republic's policy of "real internationalism" and fathered the "Kenny-style FAQ" for UN proposals at vote.

• Manuelo Fernanda, President of the Federal Republic: Though he professes to be bored by UN "bullshit," the president occasionally shows up at UN Headquarters (mostly to pick up ladies at the Strangers' Bar), during several such visits giving his own opinion on whatever bill happens to be at vote -- employing his own uniquely profane, brutish, at times intoxicated, even threatening, style. [11] [12] In his dealings with the UN, Fernanda has also attacked ambassadors with pea-shooters and Super Soakers, been detained by UNHQ security [13], threatened to bomb UNHQ [14], smoked out right in the middle of a General Assembly meeting [15], and brawled in the Strangers' Bar [16].

• Antigone Morgan, Vice President of the Federal Republic: Morgan's dealings at the United Nations have been rare, though she has more than once been virtually prostituted in order to win over delegates' support on key legislation. [17]

UN Organizations

The delegation has been involved in several organizations devoted to discussing UN affairs, including FAIRTRADE, the United Nations Old Guard and the ACCEL UN Division, but most of its efforts have been devoted to two key UN think tanks.

• National Sovereignty Organization -- Committed as its always been to protecting the rights of nations from unnecessary international intrusion, the Federal Republic joined the NSO around the same time that its repeal of the Protection of Dolphins Act reached quorum. The Kenny delegation used this saloon for filthy sovereigntist outlaws as a base of operations for the Unholy Trinity's campaigns for Repeal "Fossil Fuel Reduction Act," Repeal "Gay Rights," the Anti-Terrorism Act and the Abortion Legality Convention.

• UN DEFCON -- OMGTKK was a founding member of the UN Defense Convention, described by Jack Riley as "a necessary and vital organization formed upon the ruins of the Anti-Terrorist Act, with the purpose of kicking some sense into a woefully unserious international body bent on security negligence and terror apologism." [18] Aside from lending moral support to Official UN DEFCON Legislation (like UN Demining Survey and Repeal "Banning the use of Landmines") -- and usual hijinks with foul-mouthed naval dolphins, Stripper Commandos, CPESL agents, and unspeakably evil plots to assimilate UN Fluffies and secure Kennyite hegemony across the NS globe -- the Federal Republic found DEFCON's secure underground bunker useful for enlisting allies for its invasion of Chechnya. That, and lounging around waiting for the re-emergence of the failed anti-terror act -- watching in horror as gray hairs begin to appear on its proverbial chest (they sprout faster than you can pluck them, you know).

Voting History

See also: Antarctic Oasis Delegate Voting History

The charts below record the Federal Republic's votes on most UN resolutions since it became a UN Delegate in May 2005. OMGTKK relinquished its delegacy the week of Dec. 16, 2005. It resigned from the United Nations on Feb. 9, 2006; all votes shown for Jack Riley after that date were cast via a UN puppet. All votes shown for Faisano were cast directly by the Federal Republic, as it formally returned to the United Nations on July 24, 2006.

OMGTKK failed to cast votes on both Nuclear Armaments and United Nations Security Act in July 2005. It abstained from voting on UN Patent Law in May 2006, Marriage Protection Act in October 2006, No Ex Post Facto Laws in January 2007, and Emigration Rights in February 2007. Any record of the its vote on UN Copyright Convention in June 2006 has been misplaced.

• Color Legend
• Resolution Status: Passed | Failed | Repealed

Jack Riley (June 2005-July 2006)

Riley was on a "medical leave of absence" from the first week of June 2006 until his dismissal during the final week of July. All votes recorded during that time should be construed to have been cast by either mission or State Department staff.

Sammy Faisano (July 2006-present)

Additional Material

• UN Timeline
• Kenny gives UN the finger!
• MTT enters the UN fray
• Respect our authoritah!!
• Profiles of Kenny UN Delegation staff